Weird Al Yankovic Album

Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly...

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little Clampet got his own cement pond
That little Clampet, he's a millionaire

Now, everyone said Californie
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly
Hills, that is

Swimming pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh
Lookit that, lookit that

Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies

[Announcer:] Next week on U62...
[Announcer:] He's back
[Announcer:] And this time
[Announcer:] He's mad

[Announcer:] Gandhi II

[Announcer:] No more mister passive resistance
[Announcer:] He's out to kick some butt
[Announcer:] This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with

[Gandhi :] Don't move, slimeball

[Announcer:] He's a one man recking crew
[Announcer:] But he also knows how to party

[Gandhi :] Gimme a steak, medium rare

[Gangster :] Hey, Baldy!

[Announcer:] There is only one law
[Announcer:] His law

[Announcer:] Gandhi II

They showed up on my doorstep just a couple weeks ago
They looked so sweet and harmless
Tell me, how was I to know
They got a little too close to the microwave and then much to my surprise
They grew to forty thousand times their original size
They started mutatin' right before my eyes
Oh my

Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
A race from a distant place
They came in UFOs shaped just like cuban cigars
Man oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal
Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars

The president, he's is a panic
The pentagon, they're in shock
There's a team of research scientists They got 'em workin' 'round the clock
Now the National Guard is out in my back yard
And the Marines'll be comin' around
I hope they get this lousy rodents out of my town
'Cause the property values are goin' way down now

Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack
And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars
I hope they're not plannin' to stay
Who invited them here anayway
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars

Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp
And there's one the size of central park
They're using telephone pole to pick their teeth
They're evil and nasty and they glow in the dark
Oh, don't waste any more of your bullets, boys
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot
They're gonna stomp us into jelly and conquer the world
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute, now

Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
What a racquet they're makin', Jack
They keep me up at night playin' they're electric guitars
Listen to 'em squeal
They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars

Hey Jack, you better watch your back
Here come those hamsters from a planet near mars
Well, well, it's called the
Attack of the radioactive hamsters From a planet near Mars
A planet near Mars

Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K.
She made a date for a half past eight
And I said, what the hey
So I journeyed to her crib, and I let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch
I think her brain was fried
Couldn't figure it out
She wouldn't even look at me
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized
Cold glued to her TV.
Said, what's your problem, baby doll
Let's have a little fling
She said, hey, you fool, now just be cool
I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle Thing
Isle Thing
Isle Thing

Watchin' all night
Must've been a marathon
I was bummin', those shows kept comin'
Here's what was goin' on
These castaways were stranded on this island out at sea
One of 'em called Gilligan said, Let's name it after me!
He'd mess up every rescue
Man, that first mate was illin'
If I was one of them castaways
I think I'd probably kill him.
Just about that time, the telephone began to ring
She said, just let it, my machine'll get it.
We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle Thing.

Isle Thing.
She loves that Gilligan's Isle Thing.
Isle Thing.
Please, baby baby, please.

I liked the professor
He always saved their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts
She said, That guy's a genius
I shook my head and laughed
I said, if he's so fly, then tell me wh
He couldn't build a lousy raft

And while we're on the subject, I'll tell you one thing for sure.
Those homeboys brought an awful lot for just a three-hour tour.
Then her mom came in the room. It was kind of embarrassing.
She said, hey, you two, I was once like you,
And I love that Gilligan's Isle Thing.

Isle Thing.
She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle Thing.
Please, baby baby, please.

Skipper's in a hammock
He's lookin' kinda fat.
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit ol' Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Howell got it goin' on, but Mr. Howell was meaner
Ginger and Mary Ann could've used some funky cold medina
I was really diggin' this show
I didn't know what to do
It kinda looked like I was hooked
Now I'm an addict too.
I know each episode by heart
Now I'm the Rerun King.
And on every date we both say up late,
And watch the Gilligan's Isle Thing.

Isle Thing
Hasta la vista, little buddy.
Gilligan's Isle Thing.

If I could stick my hand in my heart
Spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy you
Would it slide on by you
Would you think the boy is strange
Ain't it stra-a-ange

If I could win
If I could sing
A love song so divine
Would it be enough for your cheating heart
If I broke down and cried
If I cri-i-ied
I said, "Ah no, It's only rock 'n' roll
But I like it
Ah no, it's only rock 'n' roll
But I like it, like it
Yes I do
I really really really really do do-do do do"
Hey

Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doin' all right
Hear they whip the women just around midnight

Brown sugar
How come you taste so good
Brown sugar
Just like a young girl should

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would make her connection
By her feet was a footloose man

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You might find
You get what you need

You need honkey tonk women
Gimme gimme gimme the honkey tonk blues

Under my thumb
The girl who once had me down
Under my thumb
The girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me
Yes it is
The way she talks when she's spoken to
Down to me
The change has come
She's under my thumb

So, goodbye ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you
When you change with every new day
Still, I'm gonna miss you

Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who
Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who

Please allow me to introdue myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste (woo woo)
I've been around for a long long year
So many a man sold a faith (woo woo)
Pleased to meet you (woo woo)
Hope you guessed (woo woo) my name (woo woo woo woo)
'Cause what's bothering you (woo woo)
Is the nature (woo woo) of my game (woo woo woo woo)

I said, "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
Don't hang around because two's a crowd

Shay-do-bay(?), shatter, shay-do-bay(?), shatter

Laughter, joy, and lonliness
And sex and sex and sex and sex
Look at me
I'm in tatters
Shay-do-bay(?), I'm shattered
Shay-do-bay(?), shatter

This doesn't happen to me every day, oh my
Let's spend the night together
No excuses offered anyway, oh my
Let's spend the night together
I'll satisfy your every need (every need)
And I know you'll satisfy me
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-my
Let's spend the night together
Now I need you more than ever
Let's spend the night together now
Ma-ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma ma my

I can't get no
Satisfaction
I can't get no
Girlie action
'Cause I try (and I try) and I try (and I try)
And I try (and I try) and I try (and I try)
I can't get no
I can't get no
I can't get no
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Satisfaction

Put down your remote control, throw out the TV guide.
Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside.

Don't you know that we control the horizontal,
we control the vertical tube.

We're gonna make a couch potato outta you!
That's what we're going to do! Now,
Don't change the channel,
don't touch that dial!

We got it all on UHF!

Kick off your sneakers,
stick around for a while!

we got it all on UHF!

Don't worry 'bout your laundry
forget 'bout your job
just crank up the volume
and yank off the knob!

We got it all!
(We got it all)
We got it all! On UHF!

Disconnect the phone,
now leave the dishes in the sink.

You better put away your homework,
Primetime ain't no timely thing.

All you do is make yourself a TV dinner,
press your face right up against the screen.

We gonna show you things you ain't ever seen!
If you know what i mean.

Now, don't change the channel,
don't touch that dial!

We got it all on UHF!

Kick off your sneakers,
stick around for a while.

We got it all on UHF!

Don't worry 'bout your laundry,
forget 'bout your job,
just crank up the volume
and yank off the knob!

We got it all!
(We got it all)
We got it all!
On UHF!

You can watch us all day,
you can watch us all night,
you can watch us anytime that you please.

You can sit around and stare at the picture tube,
until ur brain turns into cottage cheese.
Well now, don't change the channel,
don't touch that dial!

We got it all on UHF

Kick off your sneakers,
stick around for a while!

We got it all on UHF!

Don't worry 'bout your laundry,
forget about your job.
You gotta crank up the volume,
And yank off the knob!

We got it all!
(We got it all)
We got it all!
On UHF!

We got it all on UHF!
UHF
(x4)

We got it all!
We got it all on UHF!
(continue while fading)

Let me be your hog
Let me be your hog, now (snort, snort)
I said baby baby baby baby baby
Baby baby baby baby baby baby

Where'd you learn how to steer
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight
In the middle of the interstate
Tires squeel wherever we go
Even hitchhikers just say no

She drives like crazy
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish I guess

She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's drivin'
The Batmobile

Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over the traffic cones
Passin' "semi-"s on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white

She drives like crazy
She'll break our necks
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

I woke up this morning
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kind of feelin' like
I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'

Well I ain't got not money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walking down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code

I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress
My mama sold bathroom tiles
My brothers and sisters all hated me
'Cause I was an only child

I got the blues so bad, woo
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead

I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking
Boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime

Nothing but a low-down beer bellied, bone headed
Pigeon toed, turkey necked, weasle faced
Worthless hunk of slime

Guess I pretty low self image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something, I
I should probably go and see a doctor about it
When I've got the time
Make it talk
Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk
OK, now make it shut up

Plagues and famine and pestilence
Always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along
Stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet
But I'd just clog up the drain

I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament
Put on a stupid looking shirt and go bowling instead
Yeah

There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
Spatula City
Spatula City

A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion.
Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color.
And because we eliminate the middle man
We can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you
Where do you go if you want to buy
Name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Spatula City
Spatula City

And this weekend only
Take advantage of our special liquidation sale
Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny
Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents
And what better way to say I love you.
Than with the gift of a spatula
Spatula City
Spatula City

Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City
I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company

Spatula City - seven locations
We're in the yellow pages under spatulas.

My, where did you get that lovely spatula?
Spatula City: We sell spatulas, and that's all.

This is an instrumental song. There are no lyrics.

Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all.

If you're running low, go to the store.
Carry some money to help you buy more.
The tab is there to open the can.
The can is there to hold in the spam.

Oh, Spam on the table at home. (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now? (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work. (it's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's mystery meat.

If you need a spoon, keep one around.
Carry a thermos to help wash it down.
Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out.
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now.

Spam in my pantry at home. (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the label now. (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch. (it's the best)
Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold.

Now once you start in, you can't put it down.
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown.
The key is going to open the tin.
The tin is there to keep the spam in.

Oh Spam, Spam. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam, Spam. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it.
Spam in the place where I live. (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now. (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work. (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat.
Spam in the back of my car. (ham and pork)
spam any place that you are. (ham and pork)
(spam any place that you are) (The tab is there to open the can.)
(spam any place that you are) (The tab is there to open the can.)
Oh Spam!

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing
So one night when my family the I were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled weiners,
Crossword puzzles, Spider-Man comics, and mama's home made rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway and the neighbors, they all waved good-bye
And so began our three day journey

We picked up a guy holding a sign that said "twine ball or bust"
He smelled real bad and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down,
yelling "Are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53 DeSoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals of all the place where we've already been

There's Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum,
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World,
The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock,
And The Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums,
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches,
But there's still one thing we gotta see

Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw a sign that said "Twine Ball exit - 50 miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy the started singing
"99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" for the 27th time that day
So, we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of tiwne in Minnesota

Finally, at 7:37 early Wednesday evening as the sun was setting
in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon, it appeared to me like a vision
before my unbelieving eye
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence towards that
glorius huge majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer imensity,
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays,
in a little shrine under a make-shift pagoda,
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

Oh, what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh, windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he trying to prove, who was he trying to impress
Why did he build it, how did he do, it was anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine, what was goin' through his mind
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time

Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
"Now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car
and we can take it home", but I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvineer miniature ball of twine, some window decals,
and anything else they'd sell us
And we bought a couple post cards, "Greetings from the twine ball,
wish you were here"
Won't the folks back home be jealous

I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball and we all gathered
'round and said, "Cheese"
The Bernie ran away with my brand new Insti-Matic,
but at least we got our memories
Then we all just stared at the ball for a while and my eyes got moist,
but I said with a smile, "Kids, this here's what America's all about"
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside and I fell on my knees
and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unravelled that sucker,
It'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
'Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota

Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "You know, I got a funny kind of feelin'
we'll be comin' back again next year"
'Cause I've been all around this great big world
And I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota