The Early November Album

And I just can't get this off my mind
My voice it yells inside
It tells me all the time
That I could leave right now
Oh, it dares me up to see this place
Greening a machine wash gray

But all we know is this...

I been trying for the past 4 years
Broken lie to get this here
It's not the heart that makes the man,
It's the money in his hand
It's been a struggle for the past few nights
I have to quit to realize,
That I can waste not time on it
In case this is all I get

One year, one month, and seven days
To lose the love it takes
And grow plastic from my hands
So I can leave right now
Oh, it dares me up to see this place
Greening a machine wash gray

But all the time and risk...

I been trying for the past 4 years
Broken lie to get this here
It's not the heart that makes the man,
It's the money in his hand
It's been a struggle for the past few nights
I have to quit to realize,
That I can waste not time on it
In case this is all I get

I been trying for the past 4 years
Broken lie to get this here
It's not the heart that makes the man,
It's the money in his hand
It's been a struggle for the past few nights
I have to quit to realize,
That I can waste not time on it
In case this is all I get

I get...

First day of the rest of my life I never wanted to go,
A blank stare from a positive mind is all I want you to know

Passed down by the hands of the wise
And what they showed me was broke.
Kicked out by the brute of the bunch,
I never wanted a show.

[Chorus:]
Passed out from this use of the sunlight,
Without a mechanical device
Anymore, comfort rolls in a pack of twenty
With all the hands to protect you
From the ghouls and the bears
And uncomfortable stares
That will illegally taunt you.

First sight of the rest of my life
I never wanted to go.
A blank stare from a positive mind is all I wanted to know.
Brought up by the love of my life,
Though never knowing it shows
In no time I'll be counting the line
Between my sickness and goals

[Chorus]

All my life I've waited for days that wait for days that wait forever
All this waitin' never got me paid but I don't want money 'cause it gets you
faster
All my life I've waited for days that wait for days that wait forever
All this waitin' never got me paid but I don't want money 'cause it gets you
faster

[Chorus]

So take the boy to the back, cover up his ears
We've got some dirty little secrets we don't want him to hear
In this business you don't question someone's wealth
We'll chain him to the bed so he won't run away
Then we'll take the piggy bank and cash it in on our way
So just chase your dreams and never let them go (down here)

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

But you can kick it in the back, make it all go away
Take some pills for the pain and throw your voice away
Someone else is paid to write the hits.
So you can talk until you're rich, until your cheek bones hurt.
And then a little baby talk to make sure you still work
It's all about the pointless perks that we all pay for to pay for ourselves.

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

What was I to say I'm already all alone,
And there's nothing here except a hole in the wall.
What was I to do and how should I know,
I was never good when times are changing.

One more chance I'd never would react like this.
One more time could be time enough to think about it.
And one last straw could be strong enough to make this work or throw away
everything.

It's time that I go; I can sleep on the road,
It wont be soft but it will be on my own.
I'm sure that last time I couldn't have been wrong,
Besides I'm not good with saying sorry.

One more chance I'd never would react like this.
One more time could be time enough to think about it.
And one last straw could be strong enough to make this work or throw away
everything.
(Throw away everything)

Just one time is all it takes;
One time is all it takes
(Timing shows I needed to prove that I am…)
Just one time is all it takes,
(...Strong enough to be on my own.)
One time is all it takes
(We're taking time with bad excuses...)
Just one time is all it takes.
...go to show it to know that everything is all right.

One more chance I'd never would react like this.
One more time could be time enough to think about it.
And one last straw could be strong enough to make this work or throw away
everything.

One more chance I'd never would react like this.
One more time could be time enough to think about it.
And one last straw could be strong enough to make this work or throw away
everything.

Your mission is set
You've only two hours
For everything is lost
And swallowed by light
So do this with care
But don't waste your time
'cause this is all we've got

You're making time
You've got the cure
But the virus by your side
You wait till it's right
Then you strike
And you bring out all you've got

Maybe someday you'll find a way to balance pressure
But you're slow and you're jealous like a child
Waking up things that found a way to dream forever
Get your gun, 'cause the flock is flying in

Your dress is nice
Casual, but then strangely arrogant
Your eyes are wide
You got them once
Got them twice now three's a charm

Maybe someday you'll find a way to balance pressure
But you're slow and you're jealous like a child
Waking up things that found a way to dream forever
Get your gun, 'cause the flock is flying in

I'm watching you now
You're right in my sight
I'm supposed to take you out
And end this tonight
But given this thought
It's harder to fire
'cause you don't have a clue

Maybe someday you'll find a way to balance pressure
But you're slow and you're jealous like a child
Waking up things that found a way to dream forever
Get your gun, 'cause the flock is flying in

Is it my fault? (if it was planned, then yes, it was)
Well then because of me your selfishness ruins everything.

Well if every moment always counts for something, then we lost this running
around.

All these settings never change for better; I sent you a place and time.
I thought you could use it to learn how to love your worst despite.
I sent you down with that kid.
The one that you hated, I thought you could raise him just like you.

I can change this I swear, now that's just the voice of all your fear.
No that's not quite it (don't talk). I promise I'll build it twice the best.
(Your promise to build is tired and pit-less)
Well with all your money, power, give solutions like this.

And all these settings never change for better; I sent you a place and time.
I thought you could use it to learn how to love your worst despite.
I sent you down with that kid.
The one that you hated, I thought you could raise him just like you.

Then bring him back to me exactly how you wanted him to be.

All these settings never made it better; I sent you a place and time.
I thought you could use it to learn how to love your worst despite.
I sent you down with that kid.
The one that you hated, I thought you could raise him just like you.

All we know is change
And friends, faces, and names
So now I'm falling apart and dangerous
I never know where to turn
I mean for all that I know
We're all on our own
We're leaning until we fall

But somebody's got to fall...

And we're jumping to know the truth
But we're lying to say to you
We're so far from the words tonight
That could then break the wall we hide

I love to watch some people read
Just knowing you're learning everything (there is to know about you)
Now I'm falling apart and dangerous
I never know where to turn
I mean for all that I know
We're all on our own
We're leaning until we fall

But somebody's got to fall...

And you're jumping to know the truth
But we're lying to say to you
We're so far from the words tonight
That could then break the wall we hide

Anyway
Anyway

I want it anyway you know it
I want it anyway you know it
I want it anyway you know it
I want it anyway you know it

I want it anyway you know it

And we're jumping to know the truth
But we're lying to say to you
We're so far from the words tonight
That could then break the wall we hide

And we're jumping to know the truth
But we're lying to say to you
We're so far from the words tonight
That could then break the wall we hide

It's time to go outside
I'm gonna be sick for a while
It's gonna be quite some time
If that's what we never had
We gotta get used to it
I'm glad to get used to it fast

Tell me what my name can mean
In the dictionary scene
Yeah that's like over 40 million sold
(Oh) we doing right
But why write when we can type
Computers get me psyched
They'll probably make us slaves in 40 years

And it's time to go outside
I'm gonna be sick for a while
It's gonna be quite some time
If that's what we never had
We gotta get used to it
I'm glad to get used to it fast

And throw the window through the door
We don't use this anymore
I'm not throwing stones
And it means the world to me
Oh three due in time
With the love of love gives life
Oh your heart it helps so much
When we're barely scraping by

It's time to go outside
I'm gonna be sick for a while
It's gonna be quite some time
If that's what we never had
We gotta get used to it
I'm glad to get used to it fast

Open [x4]
And it means the world to me

And it's time to go outside
I'm gonna be sick for a while
It's gonna be quite some time
If that's what we never had
We gotta get used to it
I'm glad to get used to it fast

It's time to (oooh)
If that's what we never had
We gotta get used to it
I'm glad to get used to it fast

And it's time to go outside
I'm gonna be sick for a while
It's gonna be quite some time

[No lyrics]

[No lyrics]

I figured it out when I drew the lines.
I thought you should know because it came together nice.
When I say 'when' cut the strings.
They're just twisted threads in a series of flings.

I figured it out it was a dream in my head.
I thought you should know because your back was so good to it.
So when I say when cut the strings.
I'm not giving up, I'm just losing this.

You should know.
You should know.
You should know, know. No.
You should know, know. No, no.
You should know, know. No.
You should know, know. No, no.
You should know, know. No.
You should know, know. No, no.
You should know, know. No.
You should know, know. No. no.
You should know, know. No.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No, no.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No, no.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No, no.
(When I say when...)
You should know, know. No, no.

All my life, I waited for something great,
Here I am with nothing showing.
And all I want, yes it is all I wanted- it's us
I lost my chance maybe a month ago.
I waited long but I got to thinking
I waste my time because I'm always thinking I'm wrong.

And it's tough being alone when you're naive
And you just want to believe everything everyone says.
Oh, it would be great if I could just deal with it.

I'm packing up almost everything,
I'm moving out and starting over.
And all I want, maybe it's all I want, is love.
If that was it, then it would all be great,
But I can't walk without feeling lost.
And I don't know, I'm thinking it's all I know is us.

And it's tough being alone when you're naive.
And you just want to believe everything everyone says.
Oh, it would be great if I could just deal...

And it's tough being alone when you're naive.
And you just want to believe everything and everyone.

I know my timing's bad
So I'm forcing up an, an apologetic smile
And just being myself
I've gone and made my own disguise
I was never good at talking
But the perks are so fantastic

Wait for me here, I'll find a home
Making a mix of the perfect 90's radio songs

Chalk this up to spite
And although I wasted time
I need some more of it
I though I'd I'll yell a little
To show my hometown I'm alive
And through the sea of fingers
I find my own real life

Wait for me here, I'll find a home
Making a mix of the perfect 90's radio songs
Wait for me here, I'll find a home
Making a mix of the perfect 90's radio songs

Wait for me here, I'll find a home
Making a mix of the perfect 90's radio songs
Wait for me here, I'll find a home
Making a mix of the perfect 90's radio songs

I've got some deep scars from a little black heart that's miles away
I sent it packing after I saw what it did and I couldn't believe
And now my chest hurts from the hole that I dug, it's getting harder to breathe
I'm really gasping, wishing I could turn back and that would fix everything
For once...

My life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just happy to be living
So it's my time, I know it sounds selfish
I'm really not like that
We live and we die for this

So now my head hurts and it's only getting worse every time that I think
I feel like choking every time I have to sing, it's getting harder for me
And now my stomach hurts, as long as I'm in love it's so hard to leave
I feel a bad pain moving through my chest and my knees start to shake
My knees start to shake, it's bringing me down

This is my life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just love to be living
So this is my time
I know it sounds selfish
I think I'll have some ice cream
We live and we die for this

There's one thing missing every time I step outside
One thing missing every time I leave and drive
One thing missing every time I'm far from home
There's one thing missing every time I leave for months
One thing missing every time I lose control
There's one thing missing every time that I stay home

I've got some deep scars from a little black heart that only make me stronger
And now I don't sleep, seeing any relief that gives me some perspective

This is my life
I might as well live it
Along with the bad times
Just glad to be living
And this is my time
I might as well share it
I'll give you all my money
We live and we die for this

Hello, how are you?
Like your shoes, love your hair.
Hello, how are you?
Love that shirt, you look great.
Hello, how are you?
Love your pants and your smile.
Hello, how are you?
How's your wife and your kids?
Hello, how are you?
Love that hat on your head.
Hello, how are you?
Missed you so; it's nice to see ya.

All we have at the end of the game
Is a lonely road out.
All I know at the end of the day
Is the love to smile now, even if that's fake.
All I know is I'm done acting
And I'll be happy for your life, even if I hate it all

Wait for me, I've got to see
The looks that you will get
When you turn down the key
To the town and your social being.

All we have at the end of the game
Is a lonely road out
All I know at the end of the day
Is the love to smile now, even if that's fake
All I know is I'm done acting
And I'll be happy for your life, even if I hate it all

All we have at the end of the game
Is a lonely road out
All I know at the end of the day
Is the love to smile now, even if that's fake
All I know is I'm done acting
And I'll be happy for your life, even if I hate it all

Hello, how are you?
Like your shoes, love your hair.
Hello, how are you?
Love that shirt, you look great.
Hello, how are you?
Missed you so; it's nice to see ya.

I have this friend who was born again.
Every morning he wakes relieved of his sins.
Oh, after hours of losing himself,
He gets to his knees and he prays for his health.

And to the palm trees and driving south
It's in the waves where we find ourselves
Back at the ocean to meet with dirt where we will weigh and find ourselves.
And we will talk in ways that life has been so mean
And see, there's always someone, always stepping on me.
Oh please, please, please, tell me.

Oh wake me, wake me, But don't tell me I'm lazy when I
Pull the covers back over my face.
Oh wake me, wake me, because we're all going crazy
And we're always preaching that everyone's wrong.

And to the palm trees and driving south
It's in the the waves where we find ourselves
Back at the ocean to meet with dirt we will weigh to find ourselves
So we can talk of ways that life has been so mean
And see there's always someone, always stepping on me.
Oh please, please, please, tell me.

Can I say I miss you for lack to obtain.
Oh just a few good reasons to keep this interesting,
But again I lack in social skills.
So can I say I need you for planning my next trip.
Oh on a guilt vacation. I feel sorry for it.

But again, it's not the first time thought i was losing what was mine.
I won't wait for a reason,
I'm taking over and back what is mine.
I won't wait forever.

Can I say I want you. it's a quarter to ten.
For so many reasons, I hate to turn to this.

But again, it's not the first time thought i was losing what was mine.
I won't wait for a reason,
I'm taking over and back what is mine.
I won't wait forever.

But again, it's not the first time thought i was losing what was mine.
I won't wait for a reason,
I'm taking over and back what is mine.
I won't wait forever.

For the record I'm tired
I've been running for days
But I can't hide anymore
It's time to just settle here

The rain beats on my head
And I'm tired and cold
But I need shelter and sleep
So I can dream of a day when I return and I'm so bitter to you

I bet you left me out here
Along with the wolfs
But I have a book on skills
To survive in the woods

Winters right around the bend and I'm scared
I'm planning for a storm that will blow the roof and doors of home
From here to LA
From here to LA

Should i fallow you here
But I don't know you like that
Should I give you my keys
And see if you will come back
This time

All I know is I want it gone.
It's wasting my time with all it wants.
And if it's a game, well then I'm done.
You know you don't win when you play for fun,
But I'm all in this one.

Timing was good to me,
The lowly old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if it's a game, then I play it well,
Running away with a pot of gold from somebody's guilt,
Somebody's guilt.

It's time for me to move away,
To pack it up and run with grace.
Along the way I treat myself
With some new lungs to clear my chest.

Timing was good to me,
The lowly old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if its a game, well then I played it well
Low and behold will I never know when to quit.
I'm going in (with everything).
I'm throwing down
I'm coming out (a brand new man)
To start from scratch (and just get beat again).

Timing was good to me,
The lowly old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if it's a game, well then I play it well.
Is it my fault that I never know when to quit, when to quit.

God only knows what I would say to you.
You'd hear just some scattered parts of words I'd mumble to you,
Of words I'd mumble to you.
I thought that at first it would be good for me.
I've come to find out that I just lost my feelings,
I've lost all feeling.

This is the closest I have come to giving it all away,
To giving it all away for someone else.
This is the closest I have come to giving it all away,
To giving it all away for someone else.

God only knows what I would say to you.
I've waited so long, I'm feeling numb to this lonely tune.
I'm numb to you.
I thought it would help if I could sweat it off.
Like a fever, I would wake and it would be gone.
Yeah, it would be gone.

This is the closest I have come to giving it all away,
To giving it all away for someone else.
This is the closest I have come to giving it all away,
To giving it all away for someone else.

God only knows what I would say to you.
I've waited so long that I forgot what I should do.

The truth is you know I'm having a moment right now
Where everything makes sense.
Well, I think some feeling from this sliding, smooth guitar would shred right
now.
And all those nights I lost by thinking way too hard and long,
I finally realize just by adding some deep end, I feel alright.

The truth is, you know we could never find a better friend to work with.
You make us feel at home.
It would make me so happy right now to hear some piano being played by my oldest
friend.
And all those nights I lost by thinking way too hard and long,
I finally realize that I need some drums cracking, and I feel fine.

The truth is, my love, that I love you so much that it hurts, oh.
And as cheesy as I sound I've been practicing for the moment when I do, oh I do.
And all those nights I lost by thinking way too hard and long,
I finally realize as long as I have you, I'll be alright.

The truth is, you know, I'd be nothing without everyone, oh.

A thousand times a day I tell you I love the way you sing
Even though it makes me cry, it's my favorite time to be alive
And all I know is I feel lost without you
“I miss you” is not enough

I know the story's old; it's been told a million times before
But to tell it feels so good
It reminds me that not all I do is right
And all I know is I feel so lost without you

Now I remember the day I was a kid in 8th grade
Your friend tapped me on my shoulder and asked if I would be your boyfriend
Oh, yeah, we were intense then
We would walk and hold hands
You were taller than me then I got a friend to tell you that
I didn't wanna be anymore
Oh, no, not anymore

So then for 3 more years we would never talk
And I'm not gonna lie though, I couldn't stop thinking about you
Then your best friends came over and I got them to call you
To see if you wanted to watch the band play “Dude Ranch”
I knew that that would impress you
So then we got to talking and before we knew it we were always on the phone
Talking until 4 in the morning
Yeah, there was only one problem
Now, I never knew your man, never talked to him
And still to this day I feel bad for it, but I knew that I loved you
And I knew that I had to do something

So I waited till the day that you broke up with him
We had a barbeque at our friend Jim's
Then we strolled to the backyard and that's where we shared our first kiss
Then you watched the band play with all your friends
And we played our set of Millencolin and Chocking Victim
I guess that didn't impress you
'Cause then an hour later between you and your friends
You told me that you didn't want to be anymore
Oh, no, not anymore

But then a while later we got back together
And we told each other we would be forever
And since that day we had our share of problems
And now we know that it's hard but better together
Oh, yeah, it's better together

So now we have a house and a couple pets
We're even getting married 9 years after it
And every time I see you
I still hear trumpets

[Spoken:]
A compelling or constraining influence,
Such as a moral force on the mind or world, PRESSURE.
To be undecided or skeptical,
To tend to disbelieve and distrust, to regard as unlikely, that's DOUBT.
The condition of being insufficient or falling short,
Decline in strength or effectiveness, FAILURE.
The instinct to run, to back away, or give up,
To need, want, reach, steal,
The feeling to always want more, and to take more,
The loss of breath at the sight of a car accident,
To drive by, never being able to feel satisfied,
And to reject anyone who tries, and this is my life.

And now it's time I go
I've had enough of this lie
So I'll get up
So I'll get up
And I'm no longer a children
So now it's time I say whats really on my mind
Whats on my mind

I guess you're not to blame
See we grew up just the same
But a useless mind and a waste of space
That walked us to this day
So today I face my fear
And prove it's not fate that brought me here
But a ruthless heart and a careless mind
That left me in this bind

[Spoken:]
-Okay, lets do it
-Alright, well, how are you today first of all? I hope your trip was good.
Can you believe this weather? It's 65 and sunny.
But anyway, lets pick it up where we left off last week. Is that okay with you?
-Yea
-Anyway, I mean I really just think we were getting close so whenever you're
ready, take it away
-Okay

Raised to feel like trash
By a drunken man and his drunken friends
He found strength in numbers

[Spoken:]
So I guess it was a normal night, only difference was it wasn't the last.
See from what it seems, him and his friends were hanging out in the living room,
So he figured a simple walk through wouldn't hurt, but there it was…

Sitting around the card table
If you saw his eyes they were glowing bright
He was ready for this fight
Tried to leave the room
But before the door he was on the floor
Screaming, “I hate you”

[Spoken:]
Now, see at this point it was more than the money, or being lazy, or a waste of
life.
He disrespected his love. Right there in front of everyone, in front of his
love.

Alright, now take one look at me,
Cause it's the last you'll ever see because I'm leaving tonight.
And just think about it, you'll never have to be embarrassed,
In front of your friends and family again, so enjoy it.
And the air will be better,
It will feel much thinner.
There will be no more excuses,
And no more covering up your face.

And I'm going to run away with my baby,
Get married and maybe someday we'll have kids that you'll never meet.
And I'm gonna tell them stories of how the grandpa would bathe in the glory of
all his power,
And use his fake friends.
And see the air will be better,
It will feel much thinner.
It will feel like heaven.
It will feel so good when I am gone.

Now see I don't know what you think, you're just a kid.
Only 18, where do you think you're going?
See, you've got nothing to stand on,
You don't have a better place to live.
And you'll be wishing that you never left.
And the air will be thicker,
It will be hard to breathe sometimes.
You won't know what hit you,
You'll be sad and lonely before you know it.

Now, don't go make a decision that's going to leave your life down a collision
course of failure.
But you're a grown up now, you're 18.
Just don't come running back to me when you need something,
My door is locked.
And the air will be humid,
It will give you headaches.
It will make you sweat.
It will be a mistake if you go,
And I won't be there to cover up your tracks no more.

Dad, I'm leaving tonight,
You can't scare me anymore.
And I don't need this in my life,
I don't need it anymore.
Dad, I'm leaving tonight,
You can't scare me anymore.
And I don't need this in my life,
I don't need it anymore.
Goodbye.

[Shrink]
Well, so he just left?..

[Patient]
See there comes a point in everyone's life
Where they just start seeing things differently
Or you know they're put in a situation where they have to
I guess it was just his night

[Shrink]
If you don't mind, whats his name?

[Patient]
His name is Matt, and I think his fathers name is Matt too, but I don't know

[Shrink]
Okay, so what happened next, where did he go from there?

[Patient]
Well he stood in his girlfriend's dorm room for a little while
He couldn't stay there long
I think her father actually felt bad for him
So he offered him a job as a file clerk at his law firm
Nothing special, just sorting papers
And her dad made him a deal he said, if you take this job seriously
And if you start going to school and you're serious about my daughter
I'll help you guys out with an apartment
So he took it, and maybe Matt really didn't want that
Maybe he didn't really want to go to school or work at a place like that
But he also wanted to prove to his father that he was better off without him
That he wasn't a waste
And he also knew that making that deal with her dad would make his dad so much
more mad
Because he hated her father
He always said how lazy he was, and he steals peoples money
And he doesn't have a real job, and he doesn't know what it feels like to work
I guess that's the motivation he needed to straighten out his life
But I don't think they ever talked again anyway
So I don't think it really mattered

We're in love, sweet love.
We're in love, sweet love.

We built our life from nothing.
We don't have much, no more money
But we've got love.
We can only grow much better
I'm so glad we're here together, and on our own, in love.

And in just a few more years
I'll prove everyone wrong.

(Yeah I guess. Started a life, went to school, had a job, got married. He was
even going to be a lawyer. Everything seemed great. The only problem was he went
from wanting nothing to wanting everything, more than he even knew what to do
with. Sometimes when you get that taste for wanting things, you only want for
yourself. And if you ask me that's where it gets dangerous.)

[No lyrics]

So what you're saying is, he grew up his whole life being tortured practically.
And as soon as he finally gets a taste of what normal life is like,
Something huge happens, like an unexpected baby.
He gets scared, he thinks he can't do it, so he panics.
And still being a kid himself, he does what any kid should do, he asks his
parents for help.
It seems pretty normal to me.

(No, you don't understand. You see they didn't just leave him there for a
weekend
While they got the house straightened up for him.
They left him for weeks, for months. They left him for years.)

So take the boy to the back, cover up his ears
We've got some dirty little secrets we don't want him to hear
In this business you don't question someone's wealth
We'll chain him to the bed so he won't run away
Then we'll take the piggy bank and cash it in on our way
So just chase your dreams and never let them go (down here)

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

But you can kick it in the back, make it all go away
Take some pills for the pain and throw your voice away
Someone else is paid to write the hits.
So you can talk until you're rich, until your cheek bones hurt.
And then a little baby talk to make sure you still work
It's all about the pointless perks that we all pay for to pay for ourselves.

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

Decorations, decorations
Decorations, decorations

(You see the deal was, her parents would take care of the kid until they got
their feet on the ground. Cause they both have full time jobs and weren't
financially stable yet, so they say. But her mom would always ask, "when are you
gonna pick up Dean?" the baby. And they'd say they didn't have the time or they
weren't ready. Ya know time passed quick and he wasn't a baby anymore. None of
them really had the heart to tell him that his parents were too busy for him,
didn't have time for him. He never knew that his aunt and uncle were actually
his mom and dad.)

So they never picked him up?

(No, but they did however send checks every week to pay for all his expenses.)

Well that's good, but I thought they couldn't afford it, that was why they
couldn't pick him up right?

(Yeah)

Every time I wake up
I must remind the smile on my face
That I was only dreaming
And this is something I don't know how to face
'Cause every time I see him
I get so nervous I can't look at his face
Grew up calling him uncle
That would be great if I didn't have my insides
Oh why must I know everything?

So what was it like for Dean?

(Well he kept to himself most of the time. He watched a lot of TV. He wasn't
like umm...)

Wait I got it. He didn't have many friends. And his mom and dad slash grandma
and grandpa always were just a little too tired to wanna play. So when he was
around kids, he would just sit in the corner and occupy himself. Because that's
all he knew how to do. I mean how would he know any different.

(Wow, that's uh, pretty good.)

Yeah, I can relate.

(Well sadly, awhile after his 12th birthday. His grandmother suddenly got sick.)

And that's how...

(And that's how.)

I just came to say I love you and see if you would be needing anything.
To say thank you and how grateful I am for everything you taught me.
It's those long talks I won't forget.
Just to see you smile, it brings me right to them.
So I'll sit here now and hold your hand.
It's these few long hours that make me what I am.

We laugh about the times,
We laughed so hard until we fell asleep this evening.
And then I watch you there alone, in fear, wishing I could speed your breathing.
And all the wind blows through the trees.
I swear they're angels talking back to me.
And I scream please don't leave me here tonight.
I need you now, I need you in my life.

But you're gone and you're never coming back again.
But you're gone and you're never coming back again.
But you're gone and you're never coming back again.
But you're gone and you're never coming back again.
But you're gone and you're never coming, you're never coming back.
But you're gone and you're never coming back again.

Guess what?
We're your parents.
And you're going to come live with us.
And we're going to have a great time.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Guess what?
I already knew that.
I could tell the first time I saw my mother's eyes.
Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Alright...

Sorry, see we were just kids then.
We were just kids and we were in trouble,
And we didn't know what to do.
Wait.

So trouble means you're in your twenties,
With plenty of monies to support yourself,
And your mother while she raises your little child.
Wait.

So wow, that's a pretty hard way to find something like that out.

(Yeah I know. You see the best part, is when they were telling me, I guess my
reaction wasn't the most positive. So they tried playing this guilt trip like...

[continued on song "You Don't Know What It's Like"]

...You don't know what it was like, blah blah blah blah.)

[continued from "Session 6"]
(You don't know what it was like, blah blah blah blah.)

See you don't know what it's like to be a man in the world
And be scared to lose everything.
See you don't know what its like to build a life from nothing
And be scared to lose everything.

I bet that's not what you said back then.
And don't sing your blues to me.
You have no right...

By the time I was old enough to run,
Momma couldn't move and Dad was gone
So she sat me in a room alone to watch TV,
By the time I went to school I had no friends.
I didn't even know how to play with kids
They would all run around, and I would just sit alone.
And do you know what its like to cry yourself to sleep tonight at the age of
six,
And seven
And eight
And nine
And ten
And eleven
And twelve.

(After I learned about my parents, they asked me to live with them. And I didn't
want to but I really had no choice. So I finished out the school year, where I
was, I lived with my grandfather, and uh, then I moved in with them. And you
know what, it was great. I was happy. I was happy and I knew it. I clapped my
hands.)

(Yeah, if it was only like that. Oh well. It was hard then, and I was already
really bad with people skills. And I had to start all over again pretty much.
Anything I felt secure with was gone. And you know what it was probably the only
time in my life that I was actually excited to go to school. Not to learn, or
get made fun of, but to get out of the house and get away from them. And now
that I think about it, I don't think school was any easier.)

Everybody looks at me
Like they're so surprised that I can breathe.
I need to get out of this town.
I need to run for my own now.

And all my lack of style, I blame on him.
And all I want is this...
I need to have my time.
But I'm glued, I'm glued to the script.

Everybody looks at me
Then turns to their friend and says something.
I hate this town and my new life.
I'm tired of waiting all the time.

And all my lack of skill, I blame on him.
And all I ask is this...
I need to feel alive...
But you're glued, you're glued to the script.

(Well the next few years were probably the slowest, most uncomfortable years of
my life. I mean, they tried to make it easy but they gave up pretty quickly. And
I'm not gonna lie, I didn't make it easy on them either. I could just never
forgive them. You know. But I'm the kinda person who believes everything happens
for a reason. I'm kinda glad that I was so miserable counting down the days till
I was 18, ya know, so I could leave. Cause the way it worked for me, it was this
one day where I was in the right place at the right time.
Now I'm not the type of person to just go get what I want. I usually wait for it
to casually come to me. Something hit me that day like a ton of bricks. I know
it sounds cheesy, but I fell in love. And that's what kept me there for the next
few years. I would've run away if it wasn't for her.)

Well it was just the same as any day I was looking to run far from the school
And I was at the door ready to go when I heard some books hit the floor
So then I stopped, jaw dropped, I said, this must be love
Cause when I pulled myself together you were already gone
I screamed wait a minute, listen to the voice in my head
It said, kid you better run cause she's getting away with it

(So I chased after her, running down the hallways. Running up to her and grabbed
her arm. Actually just stood there frozen, didn't know what to say to her. I
think she kinda felt the same thing so it worked out. I felt like I had a reason
to finally be happy, you know. She would be the first person in my life who was
completely honest with me. I had a reason to trust. When I was with her it just
felt like my problems with my parents didn't seem to big anymore. Oh well, I
just didn't care about them.)

(But for some reason, the closer I got with her, the harder my father would try
to get me to stop seeing her. It was like he didn't want me to be happy for
something. Not like he would ever do that, right? He would tell me I was wasting
my time with her, I should concentrate on where I'm going to college. You know,
I didn't want to go to college. So when graduation came around, I saw a
completely different side of him. The side I always knew was there. He would say
that I was going to throw away my life and I was going to make a terrible
mistake. I guess something he was familiar with. He would tell me I was going to
be a loser and people wouldn't respect me. That was also the day he told me
about the mistake he made, me. I guess that was supposed to scare me straight.
Oh well.)

"No, you're just being selfish kid"

Selfish? You didn't even raise me. You dumped me off so you could go and make
something of yourself and care about no one but yourself.

"You don't have any idea what my life was like. When I was 18 I was on my own.
Supporting myself and your mother, working two jobs and going to school. You
know how hard it was to watch someone else raise my son. You think it's easy to
live with that decision."

Shut up, at least you were able to make a decision.

"You want to make a decision. What are you going to do? Huh? You're not going to
get anywhere playing patty cake all day with that girlfriend of yours. You
wouldn't be able to survive one day in the real world. You have no money, have
no job, no common sense. You have no idea what it takes to survive on your own."

Alright, now just take one good look at me,
'Cause it's the last you'll ever see tonight, I'm leaving this house.
And just think about it, you'll never have to see
The kid you didn't want from the beginning of my life. (so thanks.)
And the air will be better,
It will feel much thinner.
It will feel much smoother.
And you, you go back to forgetting your son.

And I'm going to run away with my baby,
Get married and maybe someday we'll have kids that you'll never meet.
And I'm gonna tell them stories of how the grandpop abandoned the only had he
had. (thanks dad.)
And see the air will be better,
It will feel much thinner.
It will feel like heaven.
It will feel so good when I am gone.
Oh, I'm gone...

Now see, I don't know what you think, you're just a kid.
Only 18, where do you plan on going?
And see, you won't have no ground to stand on,
You won't have a better place to live
And you'll be missing the comfort of this place.
See, the air will be thicker,
It will be hard to breathe sometimes.
You won't know what hit you,
You'll be scared and miss home before you know it.

Now, don't go make a decision that's going to leave your life down a collision
course of failure.
But you're a grown up now, you're 18.
So please reconsider everything that you've been thinking
And open your eyes.
See, the air will be humid,
It will give you headaches.
It will make you sweat.
It will be a mistake if you go.
Oh, but I can't stop you anymore.

Dad, I'm leaving tonight,
I won't trouble you anymore.
And I don't need this in my life,
I don't need it anymore.
Dad, I'm leaving tonight,
I won't trouble you anymore.
And I don't need this in my life,
I don't need it anymore.
Goodbye.

(So that was it. I was on my own, just me and my girl. I had a little money left
in my savings from all the checks my parents sent when I was young. My
grandparents never used them, they just put them in saving account for me. And I
never touched it. I guess because I always had a feeling that something like
this would happen someday. Oh well. We were happy and maybe a little scared. We
were kids out just out of high school. We just really didn't know what to do. I
got a job at a coffee shop. Emily got a job at a pet shop. I mean, we weren't
making a lot of money, but we were surviving)

I think this is love
And the question will be my next move.
Think it's a good one,
Probably better than my last few.
I'm just a little scared,
A little unprepared.
And I hope luck is on my side,
But if all goes to my plan,
I'll prove everyone wrong.

[This brings us up to date. The reason why I am here. Well it's not long
after we moved.
It's about three months. We found out we were going to have a baby.
Unfortunately, not by choice.
It just happened. And I have no idea what to do. We don't have any money. We
don't have much space.
We're 18 and on our own. You know? I came out here to get away, have a fresh
start.
This makes it hard. You haven't said anything in a while. You're not even
listening.]

Yes I am.
Go ahead and sell me more.
Oh, yes I love to hear every word you say.
So let it out, don't let it stay.
'Cause that's what kills and that's what hurts.
When you're stuck inside and you can't get out.
But here's what's worse:
When you have to lie because you're stuck inside this shallow mind.
That won't see himself for what he is.
The truth behind what he gives to the world and himself
And what he thinks he is.
You can't hurt anyone 'cause you only give.
Oh, that's you.

[Not that's not me and I never said it was.
I bet you're saying this because you probably did the same thing with me.]
Oddly enough, I'm on my way.
Now see, it's natural to assume the worst when you're raised to only trust
yourself.
But I must agree, you should know that you have been quite wrong.
Your dad is right, it's not his fault.
You only see what you need to see to feel worse for your sorry life;
Not to fix it, but to only hide behind walls you put up.
So continue feeling bad for yourself, it's not your fault it's everyone else.
There's one thing you fail to see.
You're a man, you're your father's son.
You both decided it was best to run
And now you're stuck being him.
So forget the plans you had for life,
It's time to learn it's time for people to try to look at things for what they
are.
And not the best story line.
The best story line...
The best story line...
The best story line...
The best story line...
The best story line...

[Hi, my name is Dean. I grew up in a small suburb town about 40 miles from
the city.
It's a quiet place but people have the biggest mouths.
It's the kind of place where people care more about your stories
Than who you actually are. I guess that kind of makes sense when I look at
myself.]