NOFX Album

The leads are weak, the leads are weak, fucking leads are weak?
YOU'RE WEAK

Remember when America had a middle class
And an upper class, that was way before the exodus
That was the America that we thought was number one,
Thought would overcome, thought would never die
That was just our pride and faith, two shitty deadly sins
I know faith isn't one of 'em but it should have been
Cuz when things were crumbling, we had no camaraderie
Just a faith someone would save us from despondence

We called it America (whoaaaaaa)

Number one America was a slogan used to keep morale up
When we knew we were already cooked
Then the richer western states, succeeded in secession
And the eastern ones followed right behind
Mexi-Can-America was the perfect name that
Epitomized the order of significance, authority and affluence
We had turned it all around
Went from number one straight to number two (shit)

We called it America (whoaaaaaa)

National bankruptcy, circumcised society
USA dined and ditched, Fox reports "poor is the new rich"

We called it America (whoaaaaaa)

Be a winner not a problem admitter un quit
Better to be a hepper than a healthy 12 stepper, forfeit
You wanna keep it goin’ but you don’t know how
Everyone at meetings gets a Löwenbräu
You quit, you’re shit, you’re a quitter
(I quit, I’m shit, I’m a quitter)
And no one likes you

Start a pattern of behavior; I see no reason to stop.
You got a habit, got to have it ’til it’s finished don’t stop
The Charlie Chan’s chopped, Pabst pitcher been poured
You got a spare kidney and your liver looks bored
So stop fucking around
(With friends like you I’m fucked)
You’re buying the next round

You wanna be a Thompson, Hemingway, Bukowski
Banging Bill Burroughs lived to 83
You’re famous and you’re rich, quit acting like a bitch
(You’re a fucking dickhead)
And no one likes you!

All my neighbors are fast asleep
And I can't find anything to drink
The McKenzie's drank all the grain alcohol
So I'm headed down the street to first call
Me and the Bads were staying up late
Kitty and Victor got dropped from the plate
But no one was contented with the Wednesday wassail
So I said it's only four short blocks to first call
Not a walk of shame it's a walk of pride
Peoples goin' to work while we're getting cockeyed
The sun's coming up and the drinks are goin' down
So shut the fuck up and I'll get the next round

6am, we'll start all over again
No one applying the brakes
We'll stop the sweats and the shakes
We're gonna eat pickled egg
We're gonna see Toby Jeg
We're not gonna let sun light have effect on our fun

It smells like bleach, adult diapers and mold
And everyone around me's over 60 years old
But we're gonna share the next hour or two
We all got each other and nothing better to do
Irish coffee, and Irish car bomb
A fat drunk jew starts singing this song
I take a closer look and the fat guy is me
So I buy him a shot, and he buys me back three

6am, we'll start all over again
No one applying the brakes
We'll stop the sweats and the shakes
We're gonna eat pickled egg
We're gonna hang with Dave Gregg
We're not gonna let sun light help decide when we're done

All my neighbors are fast asleep
And I can't find anything to drink
The Loved Ones drank all of my alcohol
So I'm gonna be the very first one at first call

My father had dementia
He lied in bed for months
Once in a while he’d call me
And ask me to fly down
I told him that I’d love to
But I had things to do
And so he died without his son
I heard about it drunk after a show

My mother battled cancer
For over seven years
I nursed her and I held her
When time was running out
The night before she left me
I drank scotch all night
And thanked her for everything she’d done
Raising me alone wasn’t much fun

Dad I can forgive you,
but I’ll never forget,
Months I wouldn’t see you and when I did
You’d be out with your friends all night
Alone and only nine
I watched the outer limits
And scared out of my mind
I wonder if you felt the same
The days before you died
I wonder if you even knew
Why I wouldn’t come around
I bet if you had been there,
There wouldn’t be this song

2006 goodbye parents
For once I am sincere
2006 my orphan year

I’ll throw a pie in the face of piety
I’ll torch a torah right off a bridge
I am a reverend of irreverence
I’m a shill for any sacrilege
I understand that faith in a deity
Helps the masses who are having hard times
But blasphemy like prostitution
Are clearly victimless crimes
Blasphemy, blasphe-you, Jesus Christ the blackest Jew
Blasphe-you, blasphemy, poisonous pedagogy
I’m an unbeliever, I’m a heretic
I’m gonna projectile puke off a pew
I’m a trouble making immature imp
I’m gonna turn your other cheek for you
I understand we all need something to believe in
I believe I’ll never be given wings and
I’m sorry if it’s up there cuz I didn’t think
A song was gonna hurt its feelings
Blasphemy, speaking deadpan
Apparently this god has got a master plan
Now they call foul, pure heresy
But ya gotta wonder, does he have a plan B?
Horus similar to Mithra, Attis analogous to Krishna
Jesus, different name same story
All based on ancient Egyptian allegory
My position hasn’t been occulted
It can never be more overstated
My intelligence has been insulted
So my tongue lashes out in defense
Anything that is your holy or sacred
I’m gonna desecrate and use in jest
But you’ll never hear a crack about Mohammed
Cuz I don’t wanna get shot in the chest
Blasphemy, isn’t this fun
Rob a rabbi, bugger a nun
Blasphemy, want some more?
Mother Mary, the virgin whore

I was backstage at a festival in Germany
talking to a cute, fair-skinned brunette
I asked her if she wanted to have a beer and if she liked our set
I noticed that her hair was longer in the back
I figure that's 'cause she's Canadian
That's why I was surprised when she told me she was fully lesbian

That's when I realized it was Sara
Or maybe it was Tegan
I'm pretty sure that it was Sara
Cause Johnny Sandlin said she was the cooler one
I told her I was a big fan of her band
She asked me if I had a favorite song
I admitted that I'd never actually heard them, but I like K. D. Lang
I told about the Junos
And how they got robbed 3 times in a row
And then I asked her if she knew of anyone who was selling pills or blow

That's when I creeped out Sara
Or maybe I just pissed her off when I asked her if her sister
and her had ever had a threesome
Where they both ganged up one girl
A fourgy or a fivesome
Do they think strap ons are groovy
and had they ever seen the movie
Bound did they like Jennifer Tilly
Did they like Jennifer Tilly

Sara said she
preferred Gina Gershon
Angelina Jolie
In the Gia movie
That was on HBO
and If These Walls Could Talk
Made Tegan cry a lot
After that I forgot what she said

That's the problem with Diazopan
So many things I don't remember
But I've got a sinking feeling
It's not that I'm a

But I think that I creeped out Sara
I was creeping out on Sara
I hope it wasn't Tegan
Cause Skiba said she is the cooler one.

What happened to Bruce, Eddie, and Paul?
Paul and Eddie had it good
But Paul loved his cocaine and Eddie hated punks
So after a couple years
Eddie broke it off with Paul to look for a new man

Paul got fucked, fucked by Steve
Eddie’s at the Red Lion looking for a new steed
Searching for a beau who sings in falsetto

What happened to Bruce, Eddie, and Paul?
What happened to Eddie, Paul, and Bruce?
Bruce and Samson knew
Eddie was looking for a long term, stable relationship
With Paul no longer around,
Bruce left Samson for Eddie cuz Steve convinced him to

Kudos to Paul, fuck you Bruce
How you supposed to rock ‘n’ roll without substance abuse
Number of the Beast is in bed with Rob and Judas Priest

I have no consideration
Zero mutual respect
For billions who suffer from rational thought neglect
I don’t wanna waste a sentence
I don’t want a conversation
That’s gonna end in disdain disbelief and aggravation

And I find it’s getting harder to hang out
With grown adults who actually believe
In Santa Clause and Noah’s Ark, and Their god is the best
My distaste has turned into detest

Who would read a 2000-year-old medical journal?
Techniques for blood-letting
Advice on trichinosis
Would you navigate the globe
With a map of a flat Earth?
Without DNA testing would you believe virgin birth?

And I find it’s getting painful to put up
With grown adults who actually believe
In unicorns and creation and god always takes their side
That’s when my innocent jabbing turns snide

Thank god for the Grammy
Thank god for the touchdown
Thank god for blowing up the enemy’s sacred ground
So how am I supposed to take anything you say seriously
When you swap free will for faith, hope and pre-destiny?

And it’s getting agonizing to hang out
With grown adults who actually believe
Mythology and history trump physics and science
My aversion has turned to aberrance

I got manicured fingers and toes
I got 4 layers of pee-soaked clothes but I’m still condescending
Your ass and teeth permanent browned
Your face is permanently frowned and I have everything I want
Your life’s gotta really suck
You gotta hustle all day just to make the bucks
To get high enough just to forget about what you’ve become
You’re the one who lives nowhere
You think you’re life’s more than a game of suites and ladders
When nothing really matters
You’re not just fluous, you’re superfluous
You don’t actually do anything, a human redundancy

40 year old Macallans, 40 Old English ounces
Henry the IV double shot
I just finished a bottle of Old Crow
I just bought a case of Chateau Margaux, not the 95, the 96
Your house is of corrections
Your house is full of collections of crap you bought from selling others out
You’re the one who has nothing
Your life is a game of unstable bladders, when nothing really matters
You woke up today covered in droppings (stock or bird)
When the bottom drops, my life won’t change a bit but yours will turn to shit

You are a superfluous man, I am a superfluous man
You’re quite a superfluous man, I am a superfluous man

Come on underachievers
Come on all you underpass believers
We’ll give you the skill for street livin’
It feels pretty great to just give in,
so just give in...

Dropouts, repeat offenders
We’ll take the weary, weak, the street bartenders
Show ‘em the best times are on the street
Satisfaction through the thrill of defeat,
ain’t it sweet?

Once you stop yourself from caring
About owning stuff, that’s when you wanna start sharing
Cuz all the things we want are cheap or free
I define success as not working
and I live like a king

We’ve got no competition
We’ve got no accomplished mission
We just wanna live and let others live
Of course we’ll take anything you wanna give,
so fucking give

Come on, dance like a retard
Life’s an endless party not a punch card
I don’t understand some people’s drive
Let’s just fuck and drink and be alive,
not just survive.

I wanna be an alcoholic I wanna be co. drug dependent . I wanna sing I wanna dance I wanna pass out and wet my pants i wanna be an alcoholic man.

Coasters and Frisbees
Fish lures for deep seas
Mobiles for infants
They make great Christmas tree ornaments

Bring the whole family,
parking is free
You're going to love
our selection
of 8-track tapes,
Blank floppy discs,
mobile car phones,
Atari 2600 consoles

Guard rail reflectors
Hold 'em hand protectors
Halloween handouts
We got a ten-thousand foot warehouse
Full of cassette tapes,
Persimmon woods,
Ink jet printers,
telephone booths,
Sony Walkman's,
Kodak 110's,
Analog TV's,
Betamax's

And 10 million CD's

You know how it is! I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm 40 now and I got a family and I got shit to do.
And, you know, I made the decision when I was 40...
I'm goin' on the wagon, you know?
No more drinking, no more drug taking, no... oh, this?
This is a beer, but... you know... this is light beer!
It's... it's not even like drinking beer!

I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.

Okay, well, I'll have a drink or two at shows,
but only to loosen up.
I totally stopped doing drugs.
Oh, prescription drugs are... you know, that's different.
It doesn't have to be my prescription.
If a doctor prescribes these drugs, they've gotta be pretty safe.
But, you know, I definitely don't do street drugs anymore.
I mean, unless you've got some.

I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.

Oh, you're not holding.
That's cool.
No big deal.
You know, I never do it unless it's just around...
or someones offering it.
Oh, I know a guy!
Yeah, he's... he's like 10 minutes away.
I'll... I'll drive. I'll drive.
You know, I got money too!
Oh, oh we... yeah we could just stay here.
Or... I'll be back in 20.

I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.
I've become a cliché.

Whaddya mean?
This is not last call.
This is first call.
We'll... we'll... I know a place we can go.
We'll go right... You threw up!

[No lyrics]