Lard Album

Lard
You can see it
In the clouds up in the sky

Lard
Floats by in clusters
In our water supply

Lard
It's all of us, man
In our pores and in our hair

Lard's
What we conceal
With these corny clothes we wear

Lard is all
Lard is divine
Lard is control
Lard whips and chains our soul

Lard-We carry credit cards
Lard-We live in fear of art

Lard is the -OM
Lard is revolution
Lard is the tapeworm
In the bottle of cheap tequila
That comes alive at night
And sneaks up
And bites your nipple

Lard
Lard

Nowadays, most of us need someone
To run our personal life
Someone to see that
The plants are watered,
Someone to make sure the place is clean,
Someone to make sure dinner is waiting,
Someone to call for theatre tickets,
Someone to make up those cheap excuses

What we need is...

Lard-The answer
Lard-The dancer
Lard-The ointment
Lard-The dream
Absorb it
Inflame it
Respect it
Molest it
The country right now just wants to be
Soothed, and told it doesn't have to pay or
Sacrifice or learn
No one is over the hill
When the mountain comes to Mohammed

Lard
Lard
Lard

Lard-We love to eat
Lard-We love to pray
Lard-Mold over mind
Lard-Hooray!

Every time I take a crap
It's a cosmic experience

Religion and chemicals
Are the key to the future

Next time we have sex
Just pretend I'm Ed Meese

The weasels have it down, man
It's a whole new age

Lard

Which would you prefer-
A computer or a gun?

The sharks out lived the dinosaurs, you know

Pity the poor trainer
In the stable when the race horse farts

Poison oak really is
The aphrodisiac of the Gods

When people are asleep
We must all become alarm clocks

Hey, man
Life is my college

It's Dental Floss of the mind
Who will babysit the babysitters?

Ever hear about that guy in New York whose dick
Fell off in the bath after he shot it full of coke?

It's OK to run out of butter in Zambia
Just smear squashed caterpillars on your toast

Waiter, there's a terrorist in my soup
Which came first- Max Headroom or Gerald Ford?

Are you a man or are you a mouse?
If you love your fun- Die for it!

And feel
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard

Avoid everything, etc

You never know
When it says you gotta go

Hellfudge

To them cheap motels down in Baton Rouge

Hellfudge

Roll down the window of the limousine

Hellfudge

I'll pay you fifteen bucks if you perform for me(No more)

Hellfudge

I ain't givin' you one penny more
Gotta buy another TV station for the Lord

Hellfudge

Can you imagine what it's like
To have to flash and pose

Hellfudge

While a fat preacher
Sits and beats off in front of you...

Hellfudge

Same one who's so obsessed with
With anti-smut crusades (fancy that)

Hellfudge

Oh Lord,
Someone let the air out of my tires

Hellfudge

I'm stuck-with my pants down
Red handed in sin
But with money like mine
The Lord always forgives- me

When I'm dictator
You will ALL
Be under the iron thumb of Jeezus
The law of the land
Executions for witchcraft
Televised live at five

All Rock and Roll is pornography
That mixed coed swimming-PHOOEY!
I tell ya
It promotes problems of the flesh
Problems of the flesh
The flesh
The flesh
The flesh
I can't stand it anymore
My fundamentalist army's
Crackin' down full swirl

Hellfudge

Polyester suit nazis
Will control the world

Hellfudge

If you think Khomeini
Is a step back in time

Hellfudge

Just wait til I decide
What you read and who dies

Hellfudge

You think we're finished
Boy, you must be queer
We get a little stronger
Every year
When I bilk your money
I'm moral, man
But I got a little problem
I just can't say no
To that Hellfudge

So take off them clothes
Slowly now, slowly
And twitch your little flounder just like that
Yehhhh... Just like they do

In all the smut rags I pretend to hate so much
Bite down real hard
Smile...SLUT!
I own you... Look humiliated, try to cry
I despise you so much I hate myself
Mmmmmm
Tastes almost as good
As one of them green bubblegum cigars
Yeh! Hellfudge
There's a whole LOTTA Shakin' goin' on in here
But don't tell my cousin, OK?
Yeeeeh!
Great Balls 'o' Fire!
Hellfudge

Lay me down on a griddle of sweat
Lay me down, it's been a long day
Time to unwind, time to relax
Let the tension flow away

My body's weary and full of holes
Hollow jets in my fingers and my toes
Too tired to masturbate
No sound in the dark as I float in outer space

Touch down on an astroturf plain
Peewee golf balls roll by my face
Golf tees hammered through my feet and my hands
Nailed as an example again

Tied down with fishing line
Lilliputian sacrifice
Fireworks go off, I hear the cheers
Smell the hot dogs
Smell the mustard and the beer

Sharp needles pierce my flesh
Hypodermics press down and inject
20 gallons of Canfield's diet Fudge Soda
Effervescent bubbling chocolate blood

Micron by micron my flesh starts to melt
All that's left is brain and bones
Hot beams on the cool wet sand
Bury me- with the help of the wind and the waves

Submerged in the cool soil
Earthworms crawl in and crawl out
Further down is the underground aquifer cave
The bats and blindfish
Are all my friends

Soil hardens and it starts to crack
The lake is dry as desert air
Sidewinders crawl through my eye sockets
Their soft white underbelly feels like love

Blowing tumbleweeds stick to my ribs
Night falls, the sky is red
Captain Beefheart flies up on gargoyle wings
Talons reach down to take me back again

Reborn on a bed of white
Incubator filters out the light
A thousand breasts massage my face
But Life is calling to take me away
("Open up! We have a warrant!")
Learn to walk another day
Learn to walk another day
Ohm, ohm, ohm, ohm, etc.