Goldie Lookin' Chain Album

Hey, lick the tip, why dontcha...

In 1983, a team of crack draw enthusiasts created a masterplan.
A design for a way of livin' so revolutionary, so groundbreaking,
that its very concept posed a threat to the fabric of society.

A threat even greater than that of having a stiffy whilst standing
in the middle of a Glyn Williams' coach full of nuns.

The implications of this radical movements' political manifesto
posed a threat to the UK authorities who in turn drove its founder
members under ground.

Now, for the first time in world 'istory, these shadowy figures of

Intro - I'm gonna lie on my back and you put your fingers down my mouth right,
no, no do it right, like aaugh uuuugh! I'm gonna do a jimi hendrix, ..eeuuughh....I'm
gonna be sick in my sleep, euuugh...aaauugh ugh!

i tries to do it proper but kept comin' up a cropper
i needs some hype I think i'll ram raid happy shopper
haven't got a car so I use a space hopper
bouncing to the window, cut my head, show stopper
i want a hundred fans, 200 teeny boppers
i want police protection from 87 coppers
i wanna go gold even better platinum
if you wanna be a star you gotta kill yourself, man
it's the truth step back, take a look around
elvis is dead for being fat - 500 pound
kurt cobain's rich as fcuk he's buried in the ground
jimi hendrix and his amp still ain't makin' no sound
michael hutchence, he's one of 'em too
made a hundred million quid dying tossing on the loo

S U I C I D E ...it might be messy but it's money for free

suicide is painless or so it has been said
i could've killed myself but i'd be better off dead
so I took a deep breath, put a gun against my head
pulled the trigger, click, should've been eating lead
but I wasn't, I was naked in john frost square
mothers with pushchairs stopped and stared
for this situation I was quite unprepared
tried suicide to be famous but nobody cared

committing suicide to enhance my career
it worked for mickey and tupac shakir
jesus was nailed up to some wood
2000 years later and book sales are still good
i heard in a song suicide is painless
and it's 80% sure to make you famous
w4nking with a bag on yer head tied to a door
that bloke from INXS he knew the score

S U I C I D E ...it might be messy but it's money for free
S U I C I D E ...it might be messy but it's money for free

i gotta kill myself, I gotta do's it quick
john entwistle sly, he was snorting arsenic
i keep taking all this coke to make me die
doin' more drugs than they make in fcukin' ICI
it's the best way to go, don't think me dull
I'm not gonna fall off the roof like the flid rod hull
we want people to sing all our songs
and the nuns at saint joseph's rappin' on smokin' bongs
we wanna be remembered when we're six feet under
for hip-hoppin' not robins fukin' beatings or plunder
at the moment I'm not dead like david kampasey
double platinum means you gotta be pushin' up daisies
dad's army's all dead, every last one
but the c*nts are still going on BBC1
yeah that's right I smoke draw from wales
suicide's a good idea to improve vinyl sales

it's useless, it's crap, i'll never be in the sun
how can I be a pop star when I can't buy a gun?
jimmy morrison overdosed in the bath
i know, i'll hang myself with my scarf
tied to the stairs, dangling by my neck
the cord length I forgot to check
stuck it for a week, unable to shriek
the landlord found me and he called me a freak
he cut me down and started to laugh
'if you're dead next week gimme your autograph'
you know I thanked him, returned to my room
the new plan is to go out with a boom
to the station, with a petrol can
five pound please, I say to the man
all set up and ready to burn
the wheel on my lighter just won't turn

suicide is a suicyclebbbl
suicide is a suicyclebbbl
suicide is a suicyclebbbl............i wanna be famous after I die

proven fact, man, if you're dead you sell more
that drummer from def leppard, his arm has made 30 times more than he has
you know our elvis? well, he's dead famous now and he's dead and he's fa.. he's
more famous now like
he's dead like you know, that's what it's all about like
it's fcukin' simple economics
they reckon bob marley's dead but he's not, man, coz he was on the TV last
night, man
just don't lie to me, man
i thought I was havin' a go at an overdose, but I i I don't think you can
overdose on beechams flu plus
i think one of the blokes off of dads army is still alive, I think he's bumming
martin in eastenders innit?
i'll get the ropes, and we'll tie them to the walls, and we all jump off at the
same time and break our necks and we'll make at least 13 quid and you knows

Intro - my name is a-rape, balaclava, don't fuk with me or I fuk with your
father

shit to me, shit to me, shit to me, fuk you alicia keys

justin timberlake it's time to take a fukin' break
you touched britney spears, you had your piece of cake
i'd rather put my tongue across the face of ricki lake
than sample your music by lifting your break
fuk your soul with my goldie lookin' flow
cut off your penis on the david letterman show
take a deep breath, you're goin' below
like ricky martin being raped by a dildo

chorus - j-lo means shit to me
p-diddy means shit to me
ja-rule means shit to me
fuk you alicia keys

rockin' the tempo, increase the aggro
she's got a fat ass and her name's j-lo
i loves to see her dancin' and wobblin' her jelly
but the music's crap just like that cu*t nelly
when we gets hold of you we can wreck the place
clart you'll need more than a plaster on your face
i'll smash up your cd's in HMV
then i'll smash up madonnas and r-kellys

chorus - j-lo means shit to me.......................it's not safe
p-diddy means shit to me..................cl*t fuk
ja-rule means shit to me...................yer mother
fuk you alicia keys

madonna, mariah carey and whitney
give it up, you're almost 50
wycleff jean, what's goin' on?
fukin' with tom jones bra, you got it wrong
and anastacia, you're names on the list
it's next to shakira and will smiths
i've got alicia keys on her hands and her knees
feelin' the power of the GLC

chorus - j-lo means shit to me......................fcuk off
p-diddy means shit to me.................fcukin' nothin
ja-rule means shit to me..................fcukin' shit
fuk you alicia keys

oh, dirty, christina aguilera lookin' sexy, like my ford sierra
it's got a body kit, it's lowered with a spoiler on the back
she's so fukin' dirty but her music's fukin' whack
stop startin' fuk ricky martin
smelling britneys bacon drapes without her legs parting
you won't believe the smell when she does the splits
she's got a gammy eye and two different sized tits...innit

chorus - j-lo means shit to me
p-diddy means shit to me
ja-rule means shit to me
fuk you alicia keys

wile wile west ikky ikky waa waa
to will smith I say fukin' ta ta
it's gettin' hot in here like a sauna
i'll block you out with an ounce of soap bar
i'll take you out with a can and balaclava
next to go would be rapper rule-ja
and aguilera's tried to roll a cigar
and wangle the ass of shakira

chorus - j-lo means shit to me
p-diddy means shit to me
ja-rule means shit to me

Yo... where's my draw... I can't find my draw.... No, that's Paul's draw... I
don't want Paul's draw, I want my draw

Yes, Mystikal, back in position
Known thru time as the metaphysician
You hear my words but the message is hidden
Like Jeffrey Archer being fcuked by the wardens in the prison

Travelling thru time on a golden BMX
Cruising dimensions on a never ending vortex
I went to the future and this what I saw
Charlie Ferris was Prime Minister and he'd legalised draw

Whoa... I'm the alchemist, I'm the illegal alchemist
I'm the alchemist in Newport

I said, "One, two, three..."
This shit is called Alchemy
Turning stuff into gold you see
Then sell it on for the GLC

Em Why Ess Tee Eye Kay Ay to the Ell
Like Paul McKenna I'll put you under my spell
Gold chain around my neck and a Celtic Tattoo
Sweet herbs and spices and Medieval glue

I taught Einstein how to bust the rhyme
I had four bongs but he had nine
Alchemy and draw, the magic equation
Chalked on stone floors, with a brief explanation

2000 years of traveling thru time
Melting down gold and busting the rhymes
My gold shines and I sold Shakespeare speed
And showed Dylan Thomas how to smoke the weed

Whoa... I'm the alchemist, I'm the illegal alchemist
I'm the alchemist in Newport

You knows it, Spa.

Like King Midas, spraying his fluid
Dressed like Cadfael, and known as the druid
I saw Queen Victoria being fcuked by a stallion
I'll melt down your sovereigns and make a medallion

24-carat gold bad young brother
Word, to your Daddy, your sister and your Mother
Step closer unto the etheric plane

Eggsy: Alright tonight we got top entertainer Tim West Country a.k.a Billy Webb!
Bill son, what's been going on in town centre tonight?
Billy: Well loadsa you been havin' loadsa booze, but mainly, You havn't been
fuckin' having loadsa booze might you wanna *slur* have
Eggsy: WHat other things have you been up to tonight? Have you been disco
dancing in the rave scene of Zaaaanzibars?
Billy: No. Dink. Right? Fucking fuck off. Drink. Drink. Fucking Drink. Right?
Drink? That's what I'm about like!
Yeah I've had loads!
Eggsy: Is it mainly drink?
Billy: Yeah fuc' (?) yeava listen, fuckin' drink you'll piss your 'art into the
ground (?) Drink, as fuck

"Billy, your mother's here!"

Billy: YEAAAH?! (My mother's always here!) Yeah. Drink. fukin' drink

my DJ, my DJ, my DJ, my DJ

my DJ's unique in this rap game
even if his scratches sound mostly the same
he can scratch with his hands, his cock or his feet
sometimes to the music and sometimes to the beat

when he's scratching, it looks like he's having a fit
he took this girl home and scratched off her cl*t
when he was born, he was made to fade
and he's so fukin' hot, you wanna be in the shade

yeah, scratch it, man, knows it.......

oh, he started off scratching his ass
and spraying spunk across the room into a glass
but now his party tricks is scratching on the techniques
scratching all night with a ten fag mix

eight turn-tables lined up in a row
it's like watching the Paul Daniel's magic show
from the eighties, Scratch Master Ken is his name
scratching the decks for the goldie lookin' chain

chorus -
aw, my DJ's so bad, he's so good
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, that's right
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, you knows
my DJ's so bad, he's so good

this shit's fresh, braa...........been on the decks since 1983

oh, Scratch Master Ken, cut up the breaks
mixing up the beats like he's making cakes
like a bell-end with a sore that's weeping and catching
he's got the itch, so he's scratchin'

scratch it, scratch it, man.........flip the decks..........look at 'im go,
man.......it's wicked.........knows it..........burning rubber, man.......look
at 'im burning rubber

chorus -
aw, my DJ's so bad, he's so good
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, that's right
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, you knows
my DJ's so bad, he's so good

chorus -
aw, my DJ's so bad, he's so good
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, that's right
my DJ's so bad, he's so good, you knows

Loadsa cheese, loadsa cheddar, loadsa cheese...
I want a sexy lesbian vampire to touch me up
Allll day, allll night yeah.

Think so, you're fukcin safe, innit,
NHS, come to Newport get cheap teeth done innit.
Wicked.
Nhs loves you. you knows it, safe as fcuk

Dirty bobby innit. The dirty nurse, the dirty nurse is back,
It's a bitta dirt innit, dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty bobby's back in the
place, innit.

Everebody knows, er, once you get high you put the music on you feel
the energy, you're filled with, er, what's known as electricity.
Safe. safe.
One Step down. Safe as fcuk. Goldies Lookins Chains. Knowsit.

Loadsa cheese, loadsa cheddar. Loadsa cheese, loadsa cheddar. Loadsa cheese.

Alriiiite! Dippenar (?) GLC appearance

oh, maggot, he's a modern day fagan
turfing out your pockets like a christian burns a pagan
dripping with charm, style and panache
he'll leave you sore like a venereal rash

they tried to catch him, he says, 'time to dash'
he always leaves a party with a wallet full of cash
he's a bastard, but he's always looking flash
with his shoes like Dick Turpin, across his waist he wears a sash

sporting top hat, with a pocket watch too
the tallest member of the goldie lookin' crew
watch out if he's there when you're pissed
he learnt his science from the man, Oliver Twist

of his crimes, we tried to compile a list
selling sexy DVD's of a willy being kissed
stealing pensions on the old and infirm
made a fortune selling doctors fake sperm

like Charles Dickens, there's a lesson to be learned
beware the maggot cos the worm has turned
whoop......whoop......whoop
All of de yout' shall witness de day that Babylon shall faaaalll

just like Jack The Ripper, he'll do you up a kipper
and he's like a highway man holding up a Newport nipper
he's smarter than Sherlock Holmes or ITV's Taggart
II'm dapper, refined and they call me the maggot

turn your back and your pocket, he will pick
his eyes and talons are fukin' deadly equipped
like a chameleon, I'm the master thief
using a disguise, dressed like Penelope Keith

you gotta smoke a reefer or two
you gotta smoke a reefer or two
you gotta smoke a reefer or two
you gotta smoke a reefer or two

i steal money and hide it in my rectal hole
taking belongings in my ultimate goal
i'll take your china, your silver and your soul
by darkness and night, I shimmy up the drain-pipe

the maggot, the maggot, that's who I am
don't ever trust me, always doing a scam
i punched a woman and stole the baby and a pram
i even sliced my penis up and sold it as ham

gold chains and watches, maggot's got plenty
he pinched them from ladies and upset the gentry
like Sherlock Holmes bumming Watson, it's elementary
he's the modern day menace of the nineteenth century

a gentleman thief, a scholar and a rogue
doing the locomotion like Kylie Minogue
he's got the strength of ten, like a maniac
and I'm also identified as Spring-heeled Jack

whoa, here he comes, watch out, son, he'll rip you off
whoa, here he comes, he's a money grabbing bastard from Newport

I'm maggot with the GLC
big shout to all the Valleys
free Dick Turpin and the ring stinger
Big up to Dipper Nan
Merthyr Connection
Postman Port, big shout out to Postman Port

And Mark, running the bar
Always sorts it
Big up Hafodrynys hotel
big up to pontllanfraith crew
Also the west end crew iun Abercarn

I did a wheelie on a Penny Farthing
Big wheel up, big wheel up
All the bus routes
X15, 53, big respect
Red and white at cross keys
and their rivals glynn williams

Respect to you all
All those that know fake Elvis
On their transister radio......

Maggot, signing out, 2000 plus 3.

Knowsit, Knowsit, know-kn-know-knowsit
(repeat 3x)
kno-kno-kno-kno-kno-kno-kno-kno-knowsit
(Repeat 3x)
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe

Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe

Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe

Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe safe safe
Safe safe

G-Glc, Tracksuits, G-G-Glc, Glc
(repeat 3x)

Burnt a new hole in my tracksuit today,
smoking soapbar without an ashtray,
Red hot nylon dripping on my skin,
I ripped the fucker off and threw it in the bin.
Soapbars cheap and so's my clothes,
they've gotta be because of all the fucking holes.
It tastes like shit and it makes you cough,
and it's the fucking rubber in it that gets you off.

Yeah I smoke soapbar with lots of bits of plastic,
I leaves mine in it 'cos it tastes fantastic.
Skunk costs too much, I cant see the appeal
I'm smoking Port rockie, soap bar or gold seal
Smoke rockie in a bong, a bucket or a hot knives,
bake in in a cake for your mam as a surprise,
I smokes green and it's gone in an instant
but soap bar lasts 'cos it's fucking consistant

Smoke it all up, soapbar in the sky,
I'll smoke soap bar 'til I fucking die
before I die and they lay me to rest
I want to smoke soapbar that's the best.

Last night I went out driving in my car,
I sparked up a fat spliff of fucking soap bar.
A blim burn burnt right down to my dick,
and while I was distracted,
I fucking crashed in,
to a brick wall,
the car was fucking battered,
the bonnet flipped up and the windscreen shattered
you're better off smoking the green instead
'cos it don't blim burn and it's better for your head

Soap bar, sitting in a deep sweat,
thinking I've got to get some rocky for the weekend,
the sight of draw excites me,
stick it in a bong,
light it up and chuck a fucking whitey,
burning holes in my trackie,
the shit always happens when I'm smoking fucking rockie
you heard it on the news, you've seen it on the telly,
Add up for moving soapbar down fucking Lliswerry

You've got to do it like ain't you, cos like it's the fucking thing to do

I used to smoke skunk but it was far too smelly man

Smoke it all up, soapbar in the sky,
I'll smoke soap bar 'til I fucking die
before I die and they lay me to rest
I want to smoke soapbar that's the best.

Most Soap Bar comes from fucking Holland,
They make it out of oil and tires and pollen
diesel, mirabar, flat press too
These are the types of soap bar available to you

These little bits of plastic you find inside
You can use those as a quality guide
Of the standard of soap bar that you are smoking,
the more bits of plastic means the better the toking

Eat a hash cake, bake it a while,
It'll take about an hour,
Ain't draw versatile
You can burn it eat it or smoke it in a spliff
Space shakes, draw gateauxs,
You knows you're Delia Smith

Lying in your bed, dropping blims on your pubes,
Selling draw to your mates, but it's really oxo cubes
When your coking up draw, be quick, don't lick it
'cos it's really fucking hot and it'll burn your fingers

This bloke said to me, you haven't got a clue,
'bout the damage that soap bar can do to you
I tried to see things from his point of view
but I couldn't fit my head up his arsehole too
The bloke was wrong, I knows my stuff
I knows if I smoke it, I'm gonna feel rough
My lungs are fucked and my throat is raw
'cos the thing about soap bar is it's fucking hardcore

Smoke it all up, soapbar in the sky,
I'll smoke soap bar 'til I fucking die

[No lyrics]

Yeah, can you feel it, it's the Goldie Lookin' Chain with 2 Hats
He's back and this time he's the shotgun surgeon You Knows

Shotgun Surgery
My name's 2 Hats, I'm in the glc
Shotgun surgeon is my occupation
I'll come round your house to perform an operation
Not qualified as a docter but I don't give a fcuk
I'll do an abortion or a quick nip and tuck
I'll do it on the cheap, my basement is the clinic
The only problem is there's no anaesthetic
No panic, here's my bong take two hits
And while your fcuked up I'll enlarge your tits
Scissors, needle and a thread are the tools I use
The only other painkiller might leave a bruise
Nip, tuck and sew make her tight like a virgin
Come and see me I'm the shotgun surgeon

Oh yeah, that's right he's the shotgun sheriff
That's 2 Hats from the Goldie Lookin' Chain
Also known as 2000 AD
If you don't knows it, gets to knows it
That's right safe as fcuk for the year 2003
He's the shotgun sheriff man

I do this operation to improve penetration
I can make vadges so tight that you'll need lubrication
Doing stuff like Doctor Quinn, I'm safe like John Shaft
20 quid for liposuction, 50 quid for skin grafts
Soapy water and a tube is all I need
I'm the backstreet abortionist, I'm high up on weed
I'll make your sisters tits go from A cup to Double D
Make an appointment today at the shotgun surgery

I heard a story about him once, some of the things that he's done
He's fcuking known around Pil' as the shotgun surgeon
He's got a dodgy clinic somewhere down in a basement
And on Friday's he does half price hormone replacements
Sometimes he's fcuked in the head and sometimes he's clever
He turned a woman called Jane into a bloke called Trevor
Not many people go to him 'cos they think that he's bunk
'cos he stuck the dick on backwards and blew Trevor's balls up with spunk

The shotgun surgeon, busting a lyric
Birthday present face-lift for your mother down the clinic
You wanna make money go behind the screens and undress
I'll take your kidneys and sell them to the NHS
I diagnosed this murder for Dick Van Dyke
They call me shotgun and I'm wearing Nike
I do nosejobs but not vasectomy's
So make the appointment at the shotgun surgery

Yeah, you knows it clart
That's right he's the shotgun surgeon
Also knows as the anaesthetist
The surgery's open brah, business starts here
Big respect to Mr Loveggs, big respect to One Step Down
Big respect to Adam Hussein, this is P Xain, you fcuking knows it

250 quid was all I had to pay
To get a boob job for my missus's 17th birthday
He gave me 10% off, he was safe I could tell
And he said whilst she's there, he'd pierce her cl*t as well
But when she came back it was a fcuking disgrace
He'd put the tits in the wrong place
She said the surgeon had been fcuked up on crack
And accidentally put the tits on her back
There was nothing I could do, I had no receipt
This is what happens down Pil's backstreets
She was upset and so was I for a while
But I get to feel her tits while I'm doing her doggy style

I can improve your girlfriend's blowjob technique
Bring her down the surgery and I'll take out her teeth
I'll do electrolysis to remove your missus's moustache
And I'll lobotomise your mother if you pays me in cash
It's private healthcare, I operate for a fee
My name's 2 Hats, I'm from the GLC
Enlarge your girlfriend's butt or do your mum's hysterectomy
Make the appointment at the shotgun surgery

I'm gonna make you sweat
The way a pig sweats on a hot day
'Cos I'm feeling real sexy baby
Real Sexy, oohh yeah!
That's right, I'm gonna put me a
sexy video on
I'm gonna massage some oil into my
body baby
'Cos I'm gonna get tight with you
Yeah.


I wanna take you to Mcdonalds with
a candle
Girl, it's my love you can't handle
I see you walking on the way home
from work
Your Tesco tunic really drives me
berserk
I'm for real - it ain't no quirk
My love is lurking the way a rapist
would lurk
In a bush, or a car park in town
I bought you this necklace
It cost me 12 pounds
From Argos, Elizabeth Duke
Maybe you're the skywalker to my
luke
The Darth to the Vader
Flip Over the Crossfader
I'll serenade you with a bag of space
raiders
Or walkers or smiths or maybe even
quavers
'Cos my love for you is like drugs for
ravers
With glowsticks and funny hats on
I loves you more than I loves my
bong

(Fantasy!)

You and me baby
....baby

Oh you fucking knows I love you
right
But the thing is it's like this
You see, I can feel it inside
I can't explain how it feels
My sexual love is for real
Girl you knows it's true, like Milli Vanilli
I'll buy you ten fags on a daytrip to
Caerphilly
I'm after your heart, Oh don't you
see
And your three kids doesn't bother
me
You Know....

I'll give you a rose, pull out your
chair when we eat
Fuck I can't, 'cos In McDonalds it's a
bolted seat
Don't matter 'cos I'm here with you
With a medium value meal and a
chocolate sundae too
Later on I'll come and help you sign
on
I'll stare into your eyes, the housing
benefits gone wrong
Don't worry baby it won't take too
long
I'm just sitting, I'm just waiting, I'm
just writing this song
You know that, time passes and I'm
loving every second
Buying chips for you is as lovely as I
reckoned
You're Victoria Spice, I'm David
Beckham
If you were Dellboy, I'd be the
streets of Peckham
Why don't you come to me, why
can't you see
My love for you is like Matt Bolan to
a tree

(Dance with me!)

You and me baby
....baby
tonight

I'll take you for a ride, we won't go
far
You've been running through my
mind like a shining star
We've got plenty of time to make
sweet love
'cos tonight's the night we take off
the glove
You know what I mean, you're taking
the pill
Don't worry - I'll sort out the bill
Supported by the DHSS
With family allowance, We'll sort out
the mess
What's it gonna take, to get your
attention
A tracksuit and gold chain and semi-
erection
Say no more, I can feel a tear
You can smokes my fags and drinks
my beer

I'll never want another like I want
you
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo - on
my bollocks
I was gonna have your name
but I only got initials
'cos I couldn't stand the pain

(My physical love!)


You and me baby
....baby
tonight

(The emotional reality!)

You're the nicest looking woman
outside of my sexmags
Especially with your makeup, when
your wearing your gladrags
I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know
I wanna buy you trips down the
mecca bingo
We'll sit together, get four in a row
And win a china dog and with it too a
family show
This is romance, how it should be
done
When it's you and me together, it
can only spell fun
We'll walk together, buy some meat
in the market
I'll piss on the car, you'll smile and
park it
I've got to tell you about something I
think
Without you and my chain I'm the
weakest link
So get down baby and feel my love
I'll get you drunk in Weatherspoons,
Into a bush I shove
I'll have a grope and get the last bus
A romantic date, just the two of us

Yeah, one time

You and me baby
....baby
tonight

(Electrical Love!)

You and me baby
....baby
tonight


I'm feeling kind of
Kind of sexy baby
What say you put on that exercise
video
And I'll watch you sweat
Oh yeah!
That damn video with Felicity Kendal
Damn you can....
And your making me feel kinda
Itchy!
I'm gonna go put the mask and
gloves on
Oh yeah
Take em off baby
Just take them
Fuck the music baby
Take them Off
Just, take them off
Just, oh freak this shit man
Turn the fucking tape off man

I know a guy who blow sheep up,
He used to have a ta what the fuck?
He used to blow em up!
If you go to (?)? (Walters?) Five pound a sheep!
Get a sheep five pound!
oo hhehahaa!
I know medical people!
I know 'em, I've fuckin' you know I got friends high places, like!
a fuckin'.. Doctor like.. Stevie, a bit of a cunt.. You know fuckin'
Do a labotomy or woteva they do eh?
He fuckin'.. had, I don't know what he had! The fuckin' schitzo!
he fuckin' climbin' over fuckin' bushes
He's alright, he climbin over fuckin' sports fings, you know sports fences!
He fuckin' climb over and fuckin fell off!
Smashed himself up, got home..
Into bed, bleeding, he shit himself in the night as well!
Woke up in the mornin, his missus is covered in shit!!!
Like, Fuuuckin' Hell!
Cover your missus in shit!
Eh what do you know, We'll stay in, have a quiet night in tonight love
- I'm gonna cover you in shit!
*Laughter throughout*

That's right, you knows what I'm saying
Your mother's offered me the goods, I'm not paying.
It started as a laugh, as a bit of a joke
Something funny to say when I was having a smoke.
I first heard off this bloke, this fucking rumour going round
Your mother's reputation it's not sound
She's saving up the pennies hoping they'd turn into pounds
To have an operation to swap her gender around.

It's a shock to me and it's a shock to you
Your mother's got an adams apple, and a penis too
It don't look right see, when she's walking down the street
To see her ball bag jiggin' to the beat of her feet

I said
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

In internet rooms and computer mainframes
There's loads of e-mails bout your mother's blue veins.
Not the ones in her legs or the backs of her arms
But the ones in her member head and in her garms.
She walks around town, with a short dress on
Which sometimes exposes the tip of her dong.
Often it's dripping, sometimes it's dry
No matter when I see her there's a tear in my eye.
I thought I had to tell you, had to put it in a letter
But I thought fuck that I'd write a song in much better.
The only way to do it, to really let you know
I could prove it because I gave it a blow.
It was purely accidently because she got me really drunk
And she made me kiss her elephant trunk.
You know why? That's right
Your mother got a penis.

Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*
Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*
Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis, c'mon*
That's right
Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*

Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*
Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*
Your mother's got a penis *Let's Rock !*
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

When she walks down the street, then she walks like John Wayne
I just seen her pissing standing up again.
Don't make no sense when you see her here and there
She got a cock and balls and real pubic hair.
And a single eye that sometimes weaps
If she lying on the bed then she rubs it on the sheets
Or up against the door or the back of your neck
If your mother's around then you make a double check.
I hate to tell you with all due respect
Take your mother to the doctors because her front bum's wrecked.

You know why?
Your mother's got a penis *C'mon Wembley*

Your mother's got a penis *Your mother's got a penis*
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis *Put your hands in the air, Wembley*
That's right
Your mother's got a penis *Yes*

Your mother's got a penis *Wembley Arena, I can feel the electricity, C'mon !*
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

For the 18th week running, UK rap group the GLC hold the number one
position of the US billboard chart with another smash hit, Your Mother's Got A
Penis.

Come 'ere boys, you ever seen a woman with a cock before?
Come yer, c'mon look at it. Bounce it up and down n I'll stick it in you
Come yer, a woman with a cock. Tidy !