Frank Zappa Album

Ooh!
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-laaaah!

Aynsley Dunbar!

Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya

Hoopla!
Oink! Oink!
La la la la . . .
Aah!

Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
La la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la
La-la la-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la . . . Mud Shark

FZ: That's right, you heard right, the Secret Word for tonight is Mud Shark! And of course with the Mud Shark Secret Word is the Mud Shark Arpeggio . . . a marvellous little arpeggio, and now the mating call of the adult male Mud Shark . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: THE MUD SHARK DANCING LESSON!

Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark: Wait a minute . . . we're gonna do a little dancing . . . a little dancing thing called the Mud Shark . . . Now, this dance started up in Seattle
Howard: Yes . . .
Mark: The story . . .
FZ: Lemme tell you the story 'bout the Mud Shark . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Bring the band on down behind me, boys . . .
Howard: Say! Good God! Ain't it funky! Say!
FZ: The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: There's a motel in Seattle, Washington, called the Edgewater Inn . . . The Edgewater Inn is built out on a pier . . . so that means that when you look out your window you don't see any dirt, it's . . . got a bay or something out in your backyard . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down and, whenever they want to, rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it, you know what I mean?

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Now in this bay there's quite a variety of . . . fish!

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch

Fish!
Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: And all of these denizens of the deep can come in real handy . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll band called The Vanilla Fudge . . . let's say one night you checked into the Edgewater Inn with an 8mm movie camera . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Enough money to rent a pole, and just to make it more interesting . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: A succulent young lady!
Howard: Nooo!
FZ: With a taste for the bizarre . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: My mind drifts back . . . to a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport . . .

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: Where the members of The Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie they made at the Edgewater Inn . . . with a mud shark!

Mud Sh-sh-shark

FZ: And I'm gonna tell you, this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!

Hey! Mud Sh-sh-shark

Mark: Ah, we're goin'! Go 'head! Ah, we're goin'! Now we're gonna go out, somehow! Come one!

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
(Now show 'em what they do with the Mud Shark!)
Out
You go out
(Now show 'em what they do with the Mud Shark!)
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Hey!
Out
You go out
(Catch the Mud Shark)
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby

Howard:
What's a girl like you
Doin' in a place like this?

Mark:
I left my place after midnight
And I came to this hall
Me and my girlfriend, we came here
Lookin' to ball

Howard:
You came to the right place
This is it
This is the swingin'-est place
In New York City

Chorus:
NO SHIT!

Mark:
How true that is!

Howard:
Oh, how true indeed

Mark:
Yeah, me and my,
Me and my girlfriend, we come here
Every Friday 'n Saturday night looking for that
Hot romance we need
We like to get it on--
Do you like to get it on, too?

Howard:
Well now, what did you have in mind?

Mark:
Well, I'll tell ya
Well I get off bein' juked
With a baby octopus
And spewed upon with creamed corn . . .
An' my girlfriend, she digs it
With a hot Yoo-hoo bottle
While somebody's screamin':
CORKS 'N SAFETIES
PIGS 'N DONKEYS
ALICE COOPER, baby . . .
WAAAAH!

Bob:
Well, it gets me so hot
I could scream

Chorus:
ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH!
ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH!

Howard:
You two chicks sound real far out and groovy
Ever been to a Holiday Inn?
Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . .
Magic Fingers in the bed (Picture it!)
Wall-mounted TV screens
Coffee-Host plugged into the bathroom wall
Formica's really keen!

Chorus:
(What kind of girl?)
What kind of girl do you think we are?
(What kind of girl?)
What kind of girl do you think we are?
(I ain't no groupie)
Don't call us groupies
That is going too far
(What kind of girl?)
We wouldn't ball you
Just because you're a star

FZ:
These girls wouldn't let just anybody
Spew on their vital parts
They want a guy from a group
With a big hit single in the charts!

Howard:
Funny you should mention it
Our new single made the charts this week
With a bullet!
With a bullet!
Just let me put a little more
Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, baby
And you can show me how
A young girl such as you
Might be thrilled and
Overwhelmed by me, ho-ho . . .

Mark:
What hotel did you say you were staying at?

Howard:
Wanna split right away?

Mark:
Not so fast, you silly boy . . .
There's one thing I gotta say

Chorus:
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyound your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh..

Girls from all over the world
Love to write my name on the toilet walls
At the Whisky a Go Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

(Chorus line)
When Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, Baby
To scream up your slit

Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

Mud Shark,
Mud Shark
You could hear the steam baby
You could hear the screamin' steam right now
As the reamer steams up the lake
Reenie weenie up to the snake

Acetylene Nirvana
Haemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby
Acetylene Nirvana
Haemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller

Now now girl
Acetylene Nirvana
Haemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby
Acetylene Nirvana
Haemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby

I need somebody to help me, help me
Help me, help me, help me, help me, help me

Hear the steam
See the steam
Hear the steam
Hear the steaming hot black screaming
Iridescent naugahyde python gleaming steam roller

Mud Shark
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef

Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Do it Miles Davis)

Mud Shark

All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef

Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Gooey piles, baby!)

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants with my shoe shined black

Got a little lady . . . walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat

Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late

Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:

HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT RITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS

HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT ZITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

You are... you gotta tell me something... I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean, really... my girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank... I mean, none of us...

Pleased to meet you...

Hi Howie

We never met a pop star from Hollywood... tell me something: have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?

No.. no, I ..

I mean... David Cassady, he's so...

Jimmy Greenspoon, once I...

Three Dog Night?!!

Yeah...

Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you like my new car? I'm ah.. my Dad just gave it to me for graduation..

Ah yeaah?!! I'ts a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah.. I dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah Hollywood Inn from here?

No, ah.. which one is it?

(burp) excuse me. It's the one by the airport... you know... cause we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in the morning, y'know...

Oh, I didn't know that... Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...

Yeah?..

(Voice in background):
In the BUS!

Come in the bus, huh?... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see... Tierra del Fuego...

Ook! You're so professional, Howie!

Oh, it's not... it's nothing...

Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these exotic places, I mean...

Yeah

Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... TELL me: Do you really have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a BULLET? ... I mean that's really important to me...

Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?

He-Het! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!

Naw, I never.. I never said...

We are not groupies! You better understand that!.. I told Robert Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...

Robert PLANET?!

We are not groupies!

No, I never..

Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, I never...

(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! Tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, Really... just for friends, Howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you Yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but..

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO bottle or she went apeshit?!..

Ooooh..

What's the deal, baby? Come on..

Howie! Howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..

Come across..

All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's Cream Soda... or a CEL-RAY!... but! we are not groupies! No matter what you think...

No, I never...

We are not groupies..

You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem, honey... because I... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an'... an' I want some ACTION... what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna... a-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall I put this... what say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF...

Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... Jesus!...

(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man...

(voice up front):
Very agile, Howie, very agile...

(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here... it's all...

Now lissen! It just so happend... tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight...

Yeah?

Looking for a guy... And we're looking for a guy from a group

Wow

BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!

WAAAH!

AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!

WAAAAAAAAH!... That's me!! That's me! ooh! ... oooohh, you voluptouns Manhattan Island clit.. Take me... I'm yours, you hole... Fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....

Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star of a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo canes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Why, 'n enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! All this and more, Howie! Including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

Oooh! my god, I ... I ... I can't stand it!... I mean... I mean, dou you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I CAN'T STAND IT!!! I CAN'T STAND IT !! I CAN'T STAND IT!! OH NO!!... Oh my god... I'm going home! I'm gonna see my baby... (etc) I really can't stand it... please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin.. give me... GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLES SAUCE SHOVED UP BETWEEN A DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE!...

Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record!... and I want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!

The bullet?

The BULLET! The BULLET! I'ts the part that gets me the hottest... hehe!.. now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy...

Well, I know when I'm licked... all over.... Okay, baby: BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM!... Here comes my... BULLET!!

(all sing Happy Together)

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

Say!
Imagine me and you,
I do,
I think about you day and night
It's only right,
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight,
So happy together
If I should call you up,
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me,
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would be,
So very fine,
So happy together
(Just like a big rock-show)

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you for all my life
When you're with me, baby,
The skies will be blue for all my life
(Everybody sing along like a big rock-show, come on!)
Babababababababababababababa...
One more time!
Babababababababababababababa...

We'd like to thank you very much for comin' to our concert tonight
I know that ah...in a way it's sad that Bill Graham is closin'
down the Fillmore, but ah, I'm sure he'll get into somethin' better
It's been lovely, workin' for you this evenin'
Good night, good night, good night boys and girls!
Good night, good night boys and girls, good night!

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

Aaaah...aaah...
Arf!

[No lyrics]

Oooh!
Tears began to fall,
The writings on the wall
Tears began to fall
Since my baby go away
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own

I said my tears began to fall
I ain't got no love at all
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Tears began to fall
Ayayayaaaa...

And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own,
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away

Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-waaah