Flight Of The Conchords Album

Petrov, Yelyena, and me. Lost, but happy, at sea
Petrov and Yelyena said to me "Shouldn't we have something to eat?"

Well, I say "There are plenty of fish in the sea"
But all they can see... is me.

They say, "Any last requests?" Biding my time, I say "Yes.
I want to party, just we three. Lost, but happy at sea."

So we drank all night from the keg
I passed out, then awoke with one leg
I said, "Petrov, have you seen my leg?"
He said "No" and he went back to bed....
But he looked suspiciously well fed.

Three days later they were hungry again
They said, "Any last requests, again, my friend?"
I said, "Do you know any Rolling Stones?
You know, like you're at a rock concert going 'More, more!'"

*Spoken* "Ahh, it was a hilarious hilarious moment in a very bleak bleak time of my life."
Lyrics
So we danced all night to the Rolling Stones,
when I awoke they were chewing on bones.
Yelyena was supping blood from a cup,
that's when I knew something was up.

*Spoken* "Hey Petrov?"
"What?"
"What is that you're eating?"
"Nothing"
"It looks likea meat."
"Ohhhhh, this? It's umm, one of those, umm.....fish."
"How come it looks so much like my arm?"
"It's an.... arm fish."
"What about the fingers?"
"Fish fingers."
"Well, you see, the thing is, my arm seems to haveabeen hacked off at the elbow last night. I was just wondering if you might have seen it."
"Oh, yeah, look at that, no arm over there. Oh... don't you hate it when that happens? I don't know, um... you were very drunk last night. Perhaps you lost it?.. In a fair game of chance."
"Oh, you're probably right."
"Yeah, you know how it is when we're drunk."
"Yeah"
"'You say 'I'll bet my arm'"
"Oh."
"Just relax. Enjoy the sea, and have some more... fish."

Four months now lost at sea,
my friends have almost finished me.
Now they are using recipes....

*Spoken* Tonight, we are having some 'me goering'

"But wait, this 'You Goering' is absolutely delicious. You should come over here right away and try some, you really would be proud of yourself."
"How can I?! You have eaten all of my leg!"
"OoOooooOooooh... someone obviously isn't getting any."

Late that night, while they were asleep,
I swallowed some arsenic to poison my meat
I was very ill, but revenge is so sweet...
Unlike the last meal my comrades would eat.

*Spoken* "Yes, eat it all up. Not so sweet all of a sudden, hmm?"

When I awoke, they were already dead
All that was left of me was my head...
No, not dead, just a head.
Lost, but happy, at sea.
Lost, but lonely, at sea.
Lost, but so lonely...
At sea

[No lyrics]

A kiss is not a contract
but it's very nice
yes it's very nice

Just because you've been exploring my mouth
Doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south

A kiss is not a contract
but it's very nice
yes it's very very nice

Just because we've been playing tonsil hockey
Doesn't mean you get to score the goal in my jockeys
Just because I'm in an acoustic folk band,
It doesn't mean I only want poon-tang
I can't go around loving everyone
I just wouldn't get anything done
Oh because...

I'm only one man
Baby
We're only two men, Ladies
Baby, oh pretty babies

Lives are like retractable pencils
If you push them too far they're gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they're the very same shape
Hmm hmm hm

Love is like a roll of sello tape
It's real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of sello tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you're done
Another way that love is similar to sello tape
That I've noticed
Is sometimes it's hard to see the end
Ain't that the truth my friend
You search round the roll
(search round the roll)
Search round the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search round the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with sello tape
ahhhah ooo yeah

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with sello tape of love
That sticky stuff.

People People
Paper Paper
Paper Paper
People People
People People
Pencil Pencil
Pencil Pencil
Paper Paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah

BRET: You know, Jemaine, recently I've been thinking about love, mutual love...
And I guess it's the very strongest adhesive available

JERMAINE: Full on

Ooh yeah
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

*Speaking* "G'day, my name's Tony. On behalf of myself and the coachline I'd like to thank you for choosing to drive with us today. I'm a local, I hope I can impart some local knowledge. If you've got any questions don't hesitate, just sing out. For those who are interested, there's the Old Bridge, swaying away. Replaced by the New Bridge in 1972. Funny thing, the Old Bridge used to be called the New Bridge. Yeah, bit of a funny thing. Up ahead there's the bronze of Bluey, a local sheepdog, who became a member of Regional Council. It was a bloody great day for dogs, not just here, but everywhere in the North Island. There's the town's oldest street. That's the Museum of Meat. There's the town's largest industry, that's the sock factory, hence the giant sock."

*Sings* The town hall
Note the mosaic wall
Well, there are 5,600 tiles on that wall
I know, I counted them all
The local school, the local swimming pool,
Which was opened by the Governor General,
Back in 1952
Where I was caught with a friend aged 11, sniffing tractor fuel
We thought we were pretty cool, breaking them changing shed rules

But do you see up there?
The banner hanging in the air?
The Presbyterian Fair
Well, I never go, there's too many Presbyterians there
But if you're interested, the fair's in the third weekend of August every year
But don't bother entering the raffle,
It's always won by some kid of the Mayor

Do you hear that sound?
LyricsThe town clock, heard from anywhere in town,
Until 1960, it was a little place in Norway
We bought it for a hundred pounds
Rumor has it they sold it cheap because the chimes were too loud
But every time I hear that sound it makes me so proud

Look to your left, what a beautiful sight,
It's Paula, Paula Thompson, nee Paula Wright.
Look at her hair, it's still gorgeous, even now.
Flowing like the Womahonga River,
Which incidently, is to your right.
And it's the largest, in the area
In terms of volume.
Everybody, look at Paula, look at Paula Thompson
I always thought I'd marry Paula
But some things just don't work out that way
Well, that's the most important thing you'll learn on the tour today
That, and the fact there'll be a toliet break
At the information center near the manmade lake

*Speaking* "Yeah, I'll just ask you one favor, if you do see Paula in town later on that you don't mention the details of the tour. I'd appreciate that. Same goes for my wife, Gloria. You'll recognize her, she looks a hell of a lot like Paula, actually. She often gets mistaken for Paula, but, um, well, she's not Paula, that's for sure, no."

*Singing*
Paula Thompson, born in '54
To a family of four
To the family next door
Take me back next door
Paula Thompson, nee Paula Wright.
That's her old house, number 39
Number 41 was mine
If this old coach could go back in time
I'd drive to 1979
Take me back...
Take me back, take me back
(Take, take, take, take me back)
Take me back, take me back
(Take, take, take, take me back)
Take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back, take me back...

*Speaking* "Yeah, sorry about that. I always get a little bit emotional on the corner of Rutherford and Brown Streets. But, um, that is truly the end of the tour, so mind your step, yeah, good on you."

there are angels in the clouds
doin' it

there are angels
doin' it doin' it doin' it doin' it doin' it doin' it doin' it
in the clouds

behind the shroud of the clouds
foolin' 'round

in the clouds they're lying
feathers flyin'
angels sighin'

there are angels (ah ah ah)
well there are angels (going down up there)
ooh, angels (getting jiggy with it)

nobody knows what goes on under those robes
pushin' and puffin' and huffin' and heavin'
in heaven

(pushin' and puffin' and huffin' and heavin' in heaven)

up there they're playing the lovin' game
makin' rain
turning white clouds gray

doin' it

Bowie's in space
Bowie's in space
Whatcha doin' out there man?
That's pretty freaky, Bowie.
What's a rock musician doing out in space man?
Isn't it cold, quite cold out there Bowie?
Do you need my jumper Bowie?
Does the space cold do funny things to your nipples, making them all pointy?
Bowie.
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae transmitting data back to Earth?
Data back to Earth d-d-do, d-d-do, do do
I bet you do you freaky old bastard you

*Spoken*
Is it lonely out there in space man, or is there life on Mars? Wouldn't that be weird coz you wrote that song, 'Is There Life on Mars'. You could write a follow up tune and call it 'And There Is'

Mmmm, and there is yes there is.
There's heaps of it and it's all freaking out at my new look.
Bowie do you have one really funky sequined space suit, Bowie?
Or do you have several ch-ch-ch-ch- changes?
Space changes
LyricsDo they smoke grass out there in space man, or do they smoke Astroturf?

*Spoken*
Receiving transmission from David Bowie's nipple antennae. Do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie?

This is Bowie to Bowie, do you hear me out there man?
This is Bowie back to Bowie I read you loud and clear, man.
Oooh yeah man!
Your signal is weak on my radar screen. How far out are you man?
I'm pretty far out
That's pretty far out man
I'm orbiting Pluto!
Drawn in by its grooveatational (grooveatational) pull
I'm jamming out with the Mick Jaggernauts
And they think it's pretty cool, man.

Are you ok Bowie? What was that sound?
I don't know man, I'll have to turn my ship around.
Oh it's the craziest thing
Yeah, I'm picking it up on my LSD screen.
Oooh, but can you see the stratosphere, ringing?
To the choir of Afronauts singing

Eeniee e ma ma meenie miny moey
Set your phasers on funky
Eeniee ma ma meenie miny moey
Pippew, pipew pipew, pew
Eenie, ma ma meenie minie miny moey
B-b-b-b Bowies in.....

In the Marmalade Forest (forest)
Between the make-believe trees
In a cottage cheese cottage ?
lives Albi (Albi)
Albi (Albi)
Albi the racist dragon
Part 6: and so, all of the villagers chased Albi the racist dragon into a very cold and very scary cave. And it was so cold, and so scary in there, that Albi began to cry dragon tears. Which as we all know turn into jellybeans!
Anyway, at that moment he felt a tiny little hand rest upon his tail, and he turned around, and who should that little hand belong to but the badly burnt Albanian boy from the day before.
Albi: What are you doing here, I thought I killed you yesterday! (grumbled Albi quite racistly)
Boy: No Albi, you didn't kill me with your dragon flames. I crawled to safety! But you did leave me very badly disfigured.
(laughed the boy)
Why are you crying so?
Albi: I'm crying because all of those horrible villagers chased me into this scary cave! I think it's because I'm so racist. Get your hand off my tail, you'll make it dirty.
Boy: No Albi, it's not because of your racism that they chased you here. They chased me here too and I became all disfigured like this. They just don't like you and I...because...well because we're different to them.

And that made Albi cry a single tear, which turned into a jellybean all colors of the rainbow!
And suddenly, he wasn't racist anymore.
So they sat in the cave (the cave!)
And ate bubblegum pie
YUM!
Albi
The racist....
Well, not anymore!
Dragon

whoa whoa

mermaid (that's right)
mermaid (x alot)
mermaid in mermaid
mermaid

mermaid murmur into my ear
the answers to questions I want you to hear
like does it relax you to hear the sound of the land? (whoa oh)
do you all mermaid have slight webbed hands? (that must be freaky)

is it normal for a guy to wear scuba apparatus when he makes love in the sea? (make love to me)
make love to him
would it be weird for you if I touched your fishy half? cause it would for me

whoa whoa
waii-yah, waii-ya
ooh ah ooh ooh

do you have mermaid parties beneath the sea? (am I invited?)
at these mermaid parties do you smoke seaweed? (if so, then how do you light it?)
are you the answer to a drunken sailor's lonely wish? (shhh)
or are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock, holding half a fish? (half a shapely halibut)

(everybody) whoa whoa
ooh ah ooh ooh

oh fish-like lady
lady-like fish
I don't think so bro, she's a lady lady lady lady lady
no no she's a fish that's just a little bit lady-ish yeah

Speaking:

J: you wish, fish is your favorite dish.
B: let me let you in on a secret, that night the mermaid and I, we had a little bit of dinner together.
J: oh yeah what did you have?
B: caviar.
J: oh ya see? she's a lady.
B: yeah well she would have been if she hadn't laid them! (yeah)
J: but surely, surely bret the fact that she has breasts would indicate that she's, um, capable of producing milk for her young. um, I think her mammal, you know, mammary glands making her a woman, really, um and I think a lady.
B: well, let's just say she definitely had breasts! (ooh, ow, yeah, ooh!)
J: how did you know? did you grope her?
B: (ooh!) no way she ??? me! she'd only just left school! (ooh! thank you, yeah!)

one two three four!
whoa whoa whoa whoa
waiiiiiiioooo, waiiiiioooo

I got three kids and a lovely wife
I got a happy home and a
electric carving knife

that's why I wrote this song
because there's nothin' wrong
nope, there's nothin' wrong with my life
there's nothin' wrong, nope, there's nothin' wrong
there's just nothin' wrong with my life

I got a four wheel drive
and I got a computer hard drive
and I got Asheville? jive
and I got plenty of motivational jive

that's why I wrote this song
because there's nothin' wrong
there's just nothin' wrong with my life
nothin' wrong, nothin' wrong, nothin' wrong with my life

but then one day
my wife phoned
to tell me I was
on my own

and now there's one thing wrong
one thing wrong
one thing wrong with my life

so I had to change my song from "there been nothin' wrong" to
"there been somethin' wrong" with my life

there's somethin' wrong, there's somethin' wrong, now there's somethin' wrong with my life (arooo)
to change my song from "there been nothin' wrong" to "there been somethin' wrong" with my life

well I, I caught my wife, and I,
I had my electric knife and I just
carved her up
and put her into my strife?

and now there's nothin' wrong
no, there's nothin' wrong
there's just nothin' wrong with my life
nothin' wrong, nope there's nothin' wrong, there's just nothing' wrong with my life

Speaking:
hello sheriff, what can I do for you?
my wife left me? no you got the wrong end of the stick sheriff, I left her.
I left her all over the place.
I left her down at old Jackson's well, down Simpson's creek, Shrimpy's? store
you'll have a hell of a time putting her back together, sheriff, hell of a time.
the law's a joke and I'm laughing sheriff.

a-one two, one two three four

J: Ooohhh....ooooh....
I just wanna, I just wanna
B: Just wanna do something special for all the Ladies in the World
J: Oh yes (J)
B: Just wanna do somethin' special
J: Ah (J)
B: For all the Ladies in the world
J: Is that possible? (J)
B: And the gir-rls
Don't forget them girls
J: Caribbean
B: (Ladies)
J: Parisian
B: (Ladies)
J: Bolivian
B: (Ladies)
J: Namibian
B: (Ladies)
J: Eastern Indochinian
B: (Ladies)
J: Republic of Dominican
B: (Ladies)
J: Amphibian
B: (Ladies)
J: Presbyterian
B: (Ladies)
J: Outta sight
B: Amazin' ladies
J: Late night
B: Hard workin' ladies
J: Erudite
B: Brainy ladies
J: Hermaphrodite
B: Lady-man-ladies
J: Oh you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
With your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be in to you ooo ooo
B+J: All the ladies in the world
I wanna get next to you
Show you some gratitude
By makin' love to you it's the least we can do...
B+J: If every soldier in the wo-orld
Put down his weapon and picked up a woman
What a peaceful world this world would be-eee...
B+J: Redheads not warheads
Blondes not bombs
We're talkin' about brunettes not fighter jets
J: Oooh Oooh it's got to be Sweet 16's not M-16's
When will the governments realize it's got to be funky sexy ladies?
B: I have a vision and all I can see
Is all of you with 'a all of me
In a world of peace and harmony
Where every lady gets a little piece of Bret-y
J: I've been to Paris, Wellington and Amsterdam
And a wham-bam, Merci, Danke, thank 'a you ma'm
I don't care if you're ugly or you're skanky or you're small
I just wanna do a little something special for y'all...
B + J:All the ladies, in the world, you deserve it, Girrrrrrl...

Checking out the hotties down on Cuba
Sweet Suzy Sue is playing the tuba, ye-ah
The fuzz is on the street, laying on the heat, ya'll
Walking on their feet ya'll
The guy with the big black boom box laying down the beat ye-ah

Richard and Donna getting it on on the corner
Taking it higher baby
Sweet Suzy Sue is playing the lyre, lyre, my pants are on fire
Along comes CJ
Ugly as a DJ
Joined by the F o The C
SInging acapella, singing acapella, wahahahahaha

The fly guys hanging round the honeys
Like flies through the honey
Donna tells Richard that he owes her money, o no
Richard tells Donna wait till 12 o clock, thats when my work, when my dole comes through
Sweet Suzy Sue, playing diggeridoo
Lay it on down now Sexy Sue

Along comes Michael
On his bi-cy-cle
Looking as cool as a Fisher & Paykel
Singing 'Thats where you'll find me, checking out the hotties on Cuba'
'And thats where I wanna be, checking out the Hotties down on Cuba'
F o The C, checking out the hotties down on Cuba
Singing acapella

[JEMAINE AND BRET]
Frodo, don’t wear the ring.
I know it’s very tempting.
Yes, you will appear to disappear,
But the dark riders they’ll know you’re there.
Yes, Lord Sauron has many spies…

[EUGENE as Saruman]
Many spies, have many eyes…

[JEMAINE AND BRET]
One ring to bind them, to find them,
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to bind them, one to find them,
One ring to rule them ALLLLLLL!!!
Yea, Little Frodo!
You’ve got to rule them, Frodo, rule them with the ring Come on ruuuule them
with your ring!

[EUGENE as Saruman]
Lord Sauron has many spies, beasts and birds.
Lyrics
[MEL as Arwen]
If you want him, come and claim him!

[BRET as Frodo]
Do they, Gandalf?

[MURRAY as Gandalf]
I am not a conjurer of cheap tricks!

[JEMAINE as Sam]
I can’t carry the ring
But I can carry you, Mr. Frodo.

[DAVE as Aragorn]
You have my sword,

[BRET as Legolas]
And my bow,

[DAVE as Gimli]
And my axe!

[MEL as Arwen]
Noro nim mish fir mar nim nor!

[JEMAINE as Sam]
Mordor…

[DAVE as Aragorn]
We’ll never make it.
There’s thousands of them and only nine of us…

[BRETas Frodo with ring]
Ohhhh…

[DAVE as Aragorn]
We made it…

[BRET as Frodo]
Hurray, we made it.

[BRET AND JEMAINE]
Yo Frodo, what you doin’ wearing the ring?
All powerful jewelry, is that your new thing?
I know it’s hard when you’re little more than 3 foot 4
Your little ass so close to the floor.
Trying to lead the fellows to the gates of Mordor
The Fellowship!
(Yea the fellowship)
I don’t rap about bitches and hos,
I rap about witches and trolls,
just passing on the words of the Elven king,
Wisdom to all
Frodo! Don’t wear the ring!

[JEMAINE AND BRET]
Frodo don’t wear the ring,
The magical bling bling,
You’ll never be the Lord of the Rings