Commander Venus Album

I tell them every dream I've ever had
I tell them every place I have ever gone
And if there is a fear of empty space
I need to be surrounded by someone
Waiting for a chance that things could change
Or spend another night among the dead
Searching for a calming presence
I'm so excitable- nothing happens, I just can't go on
Tell me why we have to live like this
Waiting for a certain but distant fall
Comfort is as unlikely as escape and love is always so conditional
I'm tired of tense and frightened looks
Staring out these tired, anxious eyes
Looking for constant approval
I'm so desirable- nothing matters, I have to move on
I have to move on
I guess it is pretty self-destructive to rain on what you create
What if I said it was more productive, would you make a fool out of me?
'Cause I'd make a fool out of you, with your cool guitars and rock-star eyes
Emotional on cue, or is it hypocrites, like us,
That fear what truth can do?

The light refused us with designed intent
Into darkness we retreated to seek defense
With patience and logic new hope extends
To be different, to be lucky, and to die happy
So I go down the staircase and out the front door
There is no time left to waste, a lifetime spent being choked
When I'm at school it's like I'm dead, then the weekend comes and I resurrect
These old fears and these old dreams, they follow,they're chasing me
To wipe the cobwebs off my tongue and try to speak those ancient words again
It was patience and logic that killed true love
Make it easy, stop believing that you can trust someone
Go find yourself a dry place, where the storm can't touch you any more
Lay down and let time waste
A lifetime is being choked
'Cause there is no place left to feel at home
The years have past and I'm alone
With these same fears and these dead dreams
They strangle, they're killing me
To get this far

Baby, I know you hate it when I call you that
But it's the only word that half-describes the way you're acting tonight
And at the restaurant, where all your ghosts still haunt you just like you feared
Under this table all these years they stayed, waiting for your return
Your cigarette to burn their whole world through
A thousand things you thought they'd do
And everytime you call I feel worse
Throwing chairs, stolen rings, frozen air
And as I walked away I heard you say, "You're not the only one"
And as I watch you sleep it's hard for me, to keep from waking you
To tell you everything I did
And when I listen to you breathe I know exactly what you have always needed and wanted from me
And every time you're here it gets worse
Throwing chairs, stolen hearts, tasteless air
I waited all day at the cafe but you never came
And the hearts of the faithful that died on this table
Have left me with nothing at all to hold onto
But I want to hold on too, but I have got to hold on to you
Throwing chairs, broken rings, open air
I waited all day at the cafe but you never came

Beauty is empty eyes
Completely void of any warmth or light that complicates our sight
Meaning succeeds itself and from the ashes raises new beliefs
That I have never felt
Doomed to fail, 'cause sound is directional
And I'm the only one that hears it now
And I'm the only one that is dead enough to not care, to not feel
Now I hear it every night, silence seeps in through the windows
I hear the hollows of your eyes and it becomes you
It's a nothing that you can't hide
It is all wrong
Does this hurt? Abandon sense of "hands don't clap" to never be the same

Mark the calendar for May
Wasn't May the month we started?
To stick around for magnet compatibility
I'll offer up my cue, it's been too long my dear, this sickening dance
I've got the calluses to prove to you that I've been bruising too
This is it, we can't get back what went away
Locked to our hopes for something new
That is all you get
A shining image of yourself flawed by mistakes you never made
There's nothing left but a few words when passing by
You can't admit that there is nothing to say
You were more than just a hobby to me
(We could stop or move on, a month or two together)
And when you let me go you led me into...
(Why can't I want more than just...)
A warping vision of the way we'll be once we get so lonely
This is it, a final plea for leniency
Can't wait around for something new
That's all you get, a buried memory of me locked on our slow and tired dance
There's nothing left
Twelve frozen months did melt away, is this how it had to be
I'd say I do, I wish you'd say it too

pull back the sheets and climb in bed with me. we can talk all night. I'm not tired, are you? did you like the party? did you see any pretty girls there? not that it matters, neither of us are alone but sometimes it feels that way. so I need a sign, give me your hand. no more life as expected, I'm through with the usual. I want to fall in love but if my mouth stays shut and I don't speak up, then she'll never know. cause if I can't relax and I can't tell her how I really feel. what she really means to me. the cops showed up about 1:45 a.m. I didn't even notice I was so immersed in conversation with you. the band is too loud. somebody tell them to turn down, I don't want to hear a sound, except for her voice, except for her breathe, except for my beating heart begging her to come closer and closer. I want her close to me, but if the 'hands don't crap' and if I can't relax, this is hopelessness-why do I even try? because tonight will end and then my life goes on, like it always has, like it is always going to. the chorus is done and we're still standing in our standard melody. only one of us is alone, and it's not you.

Why do we always end up like this?
The same position on the couch staring into each other's eyes
But do we have to talk about this now, do I have to feel like crying?
Because I don't want to
Run, and don't come back again, we could have avoided this
Five desperate hours pass and now we know the truth, that I can't learn to love you
So desperate I can taste it, wishing things were different
But still I cannot change
Run, and don't look back again
There's nothing left to see
These empty months have proved my inability to treat you like you deserve to be treated
But then you can't expect me to change who I am
So from now on I will not leave myself open to needing someone
And trust is not an answer
That's just what we do when we can't stand to be alone again

I'll cut my heart out and leave it here on the stage
And you can come pick it up after the show
And when you find out what you really want you let me know
And we can hang out with some more so-called friends
And we can meet at the house after the show
And you will smile and lie to my face, I'll never know
To fall in love you get fucked, you give in until you both give up
So give in to your next sweet young love
To fall in love you get to fuck, so who's the whore?
Can't count the lies
You get to fuck, so who's the whore?
You twist my words to fit the end
So what's a friend?
The truth remains to get your end
So what's a friend? So what's a friend?

It is the same plan inscribed on me, 'cause there is only one design
There is some time allowed to me, but Saturday came and went
And I still want and I still need, just don't remind me
'Cause I still feel and I still need to feel like I have learned, adapted, and tried
The hungry ones survive, the rest fall behind
The rest just wait to die
I could have learned to deal with kneeling down and living out my life
Like I'm supposed to, but it's too late now for that
These eyes were circumcised from the design
Wait, have I been ruined?
Such blinding faith could ruin us
And from now on I will not hide this fear
This evolving heart, from stage to stage
Till nothing is left to learn, cheated and lied
The weakest ones subside, they'll just get left behind
They just can't wait to die, and neither can I

Would you do that if it really meant
That they would see you and would be convinced that you love me
And you didn't care who knew it?
Please believe me, when I say it's true
I have never felt as close to you, or anyone as I do right now
And I'm begging you- please don't leave yet
This moment is glass in it's fragile state
I have convinced myself that it won't crack or break
Like a heart, in the winter, when the air is cold
And your words are the same- I know them
I am broken, I m wounded
Watch me as my fragile frame collapses on me
But it's not your fault you never meant to hurt me
You hurt me
And when it's 5:00 a.m.
And you're too tired to ever sleep
There's no rest for the lonely
I hope I die in my sleep
There has never been such hopelessness or devotion

My eyes are empty, the house is quiet now
Today has claimed and ruined me
My pulse is waiting, as boredom strangles it
I might sleep but I won't dream
Is that what I need? I wanted to see, I want to believe
So I scratch and scrape to find a reason to live in a god or a girl
Oh, I tried, I tried to abandon guilt and other things that don't exist
The hours numb me
Some words are stinging still but I don't feel them when they do
My head is open, my eyes are bleeding and they demand to see the truth
But what would that prove?
I wanted it too, I wanted it too
And I strain to see the sun, I'm just so sick of the gray and the rain
This is it, I am done
And I'm laying down, let today roll off my back
I'll be all right

I fell asleep today, it rained all afternoon
The apartment felt too small, I take up to much room
The night has worn away but she hasn't disappeared
I wanted to say good-bye, but the lonely gray of privacy abounds
Like the kings of ancient times, the light has struck, opened our eyes
And what we saw, the glory of our life unfolds before us
At the edge of all our dreams, nothing is the way it seems we used to be
As history wipes clean the slate that sits in our eyes
And you will always be my friend
I never wanted this to end and now it has
Forgetfulness will dry the tears that fall from our eyes