Caedmon's Call Album

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight

Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how you've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery

Chorus:

Looking back you know
You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking back I can finally see
How failures bring humility
(I'd rather have wisdom and pain)
Brings me to my knees
(Than be a comfortable old fool)
Helps me see my need for thee

Repeat Chorus

When I'm cold and alone all I want is my freedom
And a sudden gust of gravity
I stop wailing and kicking
Just to let this water cover me, cover me
Only if I rest my arms, rest my mind
You'll overcome me and swell up around me
With my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought
I'm rolling over

Chorus:

'Cause in just the same way
That the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close to the close of autumn
Your love, your love abounds

All the time I'm thinking
Wondering how would it be
To breathe in deep
I guess I need to be careful when I ask for a drink
(Just might get what I ask for)
And I know just what You'd say to me
That's why I don't ask You
What would I ask You?
I'm like a bullheaded boy these days
Crying my toy's gone. . .
You're shiny and new

Repeat Chorus

Guess I'll drop my anger here
Before I float away
And the chains around me
An awful lot of talking
I don't leave You much to say
You didn't ever leave me

And my greatest fear
Was You'd leave me here
A long time back my feet
Could touch the bottom

So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone

And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned

Chorus:

This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words
I just want some peace
Some peace, some peace

It seems I've misplaced my faith
'Cause it's 11:12, nothing's changed
Well, nothing except the channel I'm afraid
And the number there
No, it's the same
Oh, this must be the savior of the month
And what I must have
Where's the night gone?
'Cause I'm so tired and out of shape
You've gotta get me up
But I can't get up today

'Cause it's been so long
Since I've felt right
All the rote, rehearsal, proof
You'd think that I'd have learned

Repeat Chorus

Break me, break me, break me

This is not the land was promised me
Gotta get out of bed, get something to read
And I gotta feed my brother, not my eyes
If not, then I'll be all I despise

There's tarnish on the golden rule
And I want to jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who are not afraid to love

Chorus:

This world has nothing for me
And this world has everything
All that I could want
And nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk
On the spirits of fear
So when He says who will go
I am nowhere near

Repeat Chorus twice

And the least of these
Look like criminals to me
So I leave Christ on the street

This world has held my hand
And has led me into intolerance
But now I'm waking up
And now I'm breaking up
But now I'm making up
for lost time

Repeat Chorus

I am a bus driver and it's four in the morning
And I'm pressing out my clothes beside my bed
fourteen years been on the job
And with many miles behind
Still I'm up at 3:30 to make sure I'm there on time

My car gets me along just fine
To and from the station
But my castle is this Houston Metro bus
My first stop is Ashbury
The sign's been gone for years
All the same the people wait
'Cause they know that I'll be there

Chorus:

What would you say
If I told you that I won't be by today
Would you say that
I'm just a bus driver
And what do I know
Just a bus driver
And what do I know
Just a bus driver
And what do I know

I'm always there by 5:15
And lately I've been early
Judith likes to be in early to the bank
And she gives me conversation
And a token good for riding
And she's happy all alone

And then there's Charles in retail sales
And I hope they pay him well
for all the work that young man does
'Cause I've never seen the inside of a custom refrigerator
But I know that he's the first and last one there

Repeat Chorus

I wonder what they do all day
And their respective works
Suppose they give money and take money away
Still I'm just orbiting this town
With the post office my sun
I'm circling again

And I wonder how this world would be
If I was never here
To drive this bus around from Ashbury to Main
I suppose this town would be the same
With one bus less exhaust
But that bank and retail store
They just wouldn't be the same

But what can I see
from the limited confines of my bus driving seat
Only me
And I'm just a bus driver
And what do I know
I'm just a bus driver
And what do I know
Just a bus driver
And what do I know
Just a bus driver
So don't believe that
Just a bus driver
Well don't believe that
Just a bus driver
Well don't believe that
We're all just bus drivers
And it's time to go home

I can't stop staring at myself
My face reflected in this empty plate
I can't decide if it's the devil
Or if it's just something I ate
'Cause he's been down there all morning
He's patiently waiting at my gate
He's throwing rocks at my window
"Hey won't you come on out and play with me"

And everyday when I get up
I see folks trading in their crowns
for all these paper or plastic lives
An opiate for the masses' hounds
And pride like a vestige of lives lost
The stench of the old folks coming around
Now with the news I heard today
I can't tell if this world is lost or found

You go, I'll be waiting here
And I'm awake, no I cannot sleep
So I'll sit upon this rock is You
I ain't standing up for nothing

I've never seen my congressman
But I can't deny that he exists
'Cause I've seen his legislation pass
I've seen his name on the ballot list
The same I can't deny this fallen world
Though not my home it's where I live
How can I preserve and light the way
for a world that I can't admit I'm in

'Cause I know who I say You are
But these crows can't be made to stop
So I'll sit denying by this fire
I ain't standing up for nothing

Lack of interest leads to
Lack of knowledge leads to
Lack of perspective leads to
Lack of communication leads to
Lack of understanding leads to
Lack of concern leads to
This complacency denotes
This approval denies
The truth

But I can't stop staring at myself
It's my face reflected in this empty plate
And I know that it's the devil

So You lead I'll be close behind
So You speak I'll hang on Your words
You've got to lift me from this hardened tree
'Cause I ain't standing up for nothing

I can see Jesus hanging on the cross
I can see Jesus hanging on the cross
I can see Jesus hanging on the cross
He came looking for the lost

Chorus:

And Love has come
Love has come
Love has come
And it's giving me hope to carry on

I can hear Jesus saying "Father forgive"
I can hear Jesus saying "Father forgive"
I can hear Jesus saying "Father forgive"
What a thing he did

Repeat Chorus

I can see Love
Love is all I want to see
Love can make a beggar rich and set a prisoner free
I know it can do it for you
And God knows it did it for me

I can see Love
Love is all I want to show you love
Love's the only way to go
Love
Love is all a man might need to know
Yes, I know

You know Peter put away his sword
I can see Peter puttin' away his sword
I can see Peter, he put away his sword
He won't fight no more

Repeat Chorus

I gotta carry on

I think this place is swell
There's much familiar here
I get my laundry done
And I get home-cooked meals
When I'm feeling tired
I can turn off all the lights
Ignore the knocking on the door
Pretend I'm not alive

Chorus:

Daddy, it's Saturday
And I don't want to go outside
And mow the grass today
Would you love me just as much
If I was just your stupid kid
Would you love me just as much
If I was just your stupid kid

They tell me that I'm bright
Sometimes I think they're right
But I guess I'll never know
'Cause I won't go outside
Some days it's just so hot
And others it's so cold
Too much exposure to the sun
Would just make me look old

Repeat Chorus

Isn't this Saturday
Sure feels like Saturday
Wake me Saturday
Daddy, it's Saturday

And my mind wanders off
To things I've never seen
Are these walls higher than the cost of opportunity
I'm too big for my bed
And I've outgrown my shoes
But my fear of leaving
Is the one thing I just can't lose

Daddy, it's Saturday
And I don't want to go outside
And mow the grass today
Would you love me just as much
If I never got a job
And if I never left your house
Would I be of use to you
If I never amounted to much more
Than just your stupid kid
Would I love me just as much
If I was just your stupid kid

Though I am small I've seen things far beyond these city walls
The land is flat and it rolls for miles
I don't know much I know I've many places yet to see
I know I've been here for a while

Wouldn't you know just when I thought I had this figured out
I'm back at my first day at school
Trying not to think too loud I raise my hand to scratch my head
I've no ideas of what to do

'Cause something's changed today
And what it is I just can't say
And if I don't seem okay, well I'm okay

Chorus:

So sue me, sue me, if I just don't want coffee tonight

Back in this coffee house where we just met a week ago
Now we've been friends since we were young
But all our conversations are hitting walls we can't ignore
We can hide but we can't run

And I can't run from you
Or what we've run into
Now regardless what I choose, we both lose

Repeat Chorus

It must be getting late
Where's my head
Where is my head
Where is my head

I still hear you telling me what a big mistake I've made
funny that's what I've been telling you
I can lead a horse to water
You can even make him drink
But you can't change his point of view

Tonight as I was driving home I passed a coffee shop
You know I wrestled with the truth
And how I'd explain to you what you could never understand
And how I'd keep my mind from you

But that's the price I pay
Your way is not my way
Today's another day and it's okay

Repeat Chorus

I think I need some rest
Rest my head, arrest my head
Rest my head, arrest my head
Rest my head, arrest my head

I mount up with waxen wings
High to reach the sun
And I am no further than
When I first begun

So I build a mount of Athos
To shape your form against the sky
With my home in your hands
To show all the people why
To show all the people why

Chorus:

Everything I do
It's not enough for you
Everything I do
It's not enough
It's not enough for you

In the garden of my pride
The lamented lime tree
Too stupid to cry for rain
fruitless and choked out by weeds

So I write a book of life
Using the best words I can find
for some struggler to snuggle up
When the world becomes unkind
When the world becomes unkind

Repeat Chorus

I find direction in east-bound clouds
And long for what they have
But when I step into its midst
Its substance I cannot grasp

So I paint a portrait of you
As if you had human disguise
With oil and canvas to be clay
To open up their eyes
Like you opened up my eyes

Repeat Chorus Twice

Thank God I'm back in my car
And driving home
And driving home
'Cause the air was thin and so cold
Back in there

It was my first time
Won't be my last time
And the questions rise
Expectations fall
In light of it all

There aren't words to say
Words aren't remembered
But presence is
A good friend once told me
and he was there
He was there
But she wasn't there
It's not fair
It's not fair

Chorus:

What crimes have you committed
Demanding such a penance
That couldn't wait for five more minutes
And a cry for help
'Cause this room is so peaceful
And this room is so quiet
And I hate the silence
And I can't walk the center aisle

I've been here for over three hours
Behind the flowers
So beautiful and young
And so alive
And so in need of someone
Someone to talk to them
'Cause theirs are fragile lives

Repeat Chorus

And I think about my brother
And how I just stood there
With my hands in my pockets
And my heart in my throat

Thank God I'm back in my car
And driving home
And driving home
But in that place I leave
All my days of taking life for granted
And the words I wrote for her
And my best friend crying
And a young girl lying
On all our hearts

Repeat Chorus

You say you want a living sacrifice
Well I am a burnt offering
Crawling off the altar
And back into the fire

And with my smoke-filled lungs
I cry out for freedom
While locking and chaining myself
To my rotting desires

And I hate the stench
But I swallow the key
And with it stuck in my throat
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

Chorus:

I'm coming home, I'm coming home
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
But I'm still a long way off

I am shell-shocked and I have walked
Through the trenches full of tears
With the mortars of memory
Exploding in my burning ears

You've stripped the trees of Lebanon
And now you're stripping me
Of the bark of false morality
And the bite of selfish greed
Lord, can you hear me

Repeat Chorus

Will you run to me
Will you come to me
Will you meet me
Will you greet me
Will you drag me home
'Cause I'm still a long way off

Repeat Chorus