Barenaked Ladies Album

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

Hello city ... 

Another night at the Palace 'cause there is nothing else to do.
The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand.
I think this harbour town is waist deep and sinking fast.

Chorus 
Hello city, you've found an enemy in me.
Hello city, hello city.

Second night at the Warehouse,
and my mock turtleneck just reeks.
From the liquor room to the changeroom,
to the doom and gloom of the hotel room.
I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay.

Chorus 

Maybe I caught you at a bad time.
Maybe I should call you back next week.
Maybe half the fault was mine that
the sun didn't shine on Barrington Street.

It's three o'clock in the morning,
and I'm hungry so let's eat.
Climb down three flights to the streetlights,
and the bar-fights, we're just taking in the sights.
I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed.

Chorus 

What a good place to be.. Don't believe them,'cause they speak a different
language
and it's never been happy for me.
It's Happy Hour again.

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

Chorus 
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

It took me a year to believe it was over,
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters,
and every time I remembered the taste of your lipgloss.

Chorus 

Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

There were times when I wanted to hurt you,
and there were times when I know that I did.
There were times when I thought I would kill you,
but can you blame me I was only a kid.

Tell me why we never respected each other.
and tell me why I never believed that you were a person too.
I always thought that you fancied my brother.
I may not have liked it, oh but memory is a strange thing, oh, and Enid?
Enid I remember you.

Chorus 

Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway,
but Enid we never really knew each other anyway.

it took me a year to believe it was over,
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when I wrote you those letters,
and every time you told me to get lost.

Now it's not fair to say that it's
'cause I was three inches shorter then,
and it's not fair to say that it's 'cause
I was only fifteen years old.
But maybe it's fair to say it was a lack of communication,
I took a phone message, oh and speaking of communication,
oh, and Enid,
Enid you got a cold.

I can get a job I can pay the phone bills
I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut out my cholesterol
I can work overtime I can work in a mine
I can do it all for you,
But I don't want to.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway,
But Enid we really never knew each other anyway

(Ed)
I can teach you how to dance, how to sing, how to knit,
How to make things that you never ever made before
Enid, I can teach you how to use cookie cutters
To make crazy things out of Play-Doh.

Little houses, little farms, little accessories for your mom,
For your Barbie set, for your friends and your family
Enid, I can teach you how to snowmobile, cross-country ski, snowshoe,
But I don't want to!

Enid we never really knew each other anyway
Enid we never really knew each other anyway
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway
But Enid we really never knew each other anyway

Words & Music by Andy Creeggan, Jim Creeggan, Steven Page, Ed Robertson & Tyler
Stewart 

I found my locker and I found my classes
Lost my lunch and I broke my glasses,
That guy is huge! That girl is wailing!
First day of school and I'm already failing.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine

I've got a blue and red Adidas bag and a humongous binder,
I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner.
I went out for the football team to prove that I'm a man
I guess I shouldn't tell them that I like Duran Duran.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine

Well, half my friends are crazy and the others are depressed
and none of them can help me study for my math test.
I got into the classroom and my knowledge was gone;
I guess I should've studied instead of watching Wrath Of Khan.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine

They called me chicken legs, they called me four-eyes
they called me fatso, they called me buckwheat,
they called me Eddie

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine

I've got a red leather tie and pair of rugger pants,
I put them on and I went to the high school dance.
Dad said I had to be home by eleven --
aw, man, I'm gonna miss Stairway to Heaven.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine

Words & Music by Steven Page 

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night,
just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane,
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.

It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning,
it's a matter of fact.
You can call me Pavlov's dog.
Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that?
Dr. Lendy tell me you're not just a pedagogue,
cause right now I'm

Chorus 
Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

So I'm lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles.
and I'm thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile,
and I'm wondering if this is some kind of create drought
because I am

Chorus 

And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox,
wondering where the hell all the love has gone.
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun,
and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun."

Chorus 

I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds
and though I was very heavy, 
I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground
I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me because I'm

Chorus 

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night.
Just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane;

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

if there's someone you can live without, then do so.
And if there's someone you can just shove out, do so.

Chorus 
You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, be my Yoko Ono.

isn't it beautiful to see two people so much in love?
Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand and hand and hand in glove.
Now that I'm far away it doesn't seem to me to be such a pain.
To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain.

Chorus 

Oh no, here we go, our life is just one big pun.
Oh no, here we go as Yoko sings
Aieee!

I know that when I say this
I may be stepping on pins and needles.
But I don't like all these people
slagging her for breaking up the Beatles.
(Don't blame it on Yokey!)
if I was John and you were Yoko,
I would gladly give up musical genius,
just to have you as my very own, personal Venus.
(Hit it!)

Words by Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music by Jim Creeggan & Ed Robertson 

I concede that you were right about this place.
I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace.
I can hold you until you turn out the light
and I can't see

Do you believe that we are all innately good
Do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could
Would you please turn down the radio
so we can speak

I put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me.
Put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me.
I put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me.

I regret every time I raised my voice
And it wouldn't be that bright of me to say I had no choice.
I can kiss your eyes your hair your neck
until we forget

I concede that you were right about this place.
I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace.
I can hold you until we turn out the light,
and I can't see

Words by Steven Page
Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
"What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy."
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
"What a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl."

We've got these chains that hang around our necks
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

Chorus 
This name is the hairshirt I wear
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

Chorus 

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right, 
so instead I looked in the mirror, 
watched TV, laid away all night.

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

Chorus 

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
"What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy."
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

You know he's not the kind of man who likes to see the world around him
Crumble to a ball around his feet.
So he's always ready, he's always set, he's always well prepared,
he's the most peculiar man you'll ever meet.

Chorus 
You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He's not the Tom Jones that lives next door.
He's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He hardly even lives there anymore.

He says excuse me, I hope you don't mind
that I followed you into this shop
but I couldn't help but notice that riding crop.
Sticking out of your haversack, um,
I wouldn't mind riding you bareback.
He's subtle on the dancefloor and he's suave around the bar.
He's a quickdraw with a lighter, he's a pseudo movie star.
You know he was quite a singer, quite an actor
quite some time ago.
He had quite a famous program, late night bedtime tv show.

Chorus 

Well he opens up the curtains at the crack of dawn
just to see the lovely ladies who have come and gone.
From the house next door to his house on the lane
He consoles himself that he's got his health and he knows he can't complain.

Chorus 

He's not the King of Bedside Manor
He's not the King of Bedside Manor
Hardly even lives there anymore.

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto

Words & Music by Steven Page 

I never thought that you would love me the way that you do.
I never thought that you would love me half as much as I do.
You say you wanna know everything about me. Well here you go.
You say you couldn't live your life without me. I don't know.
But if you want it girl, you've got it,
it's all right here,
in my box set.

I never thought that words like product could ever leave my lips,
but something happened to me somewhere that made me lose my grip.
Maybe it's a lack of inspiration that makes me stoop,
or maybe it's a lack of remuneration; I can't recoup.
But if you want it folks, you got it;
it's all right here in my box set.

Disc One
it's where we've begun, it's all of greatest hits,
and if you are a fan then you know that you've already got 'em.

Disc Two
it was all brand new, al album's worth of songs,
but we had to leave the whole disc blank 'cause
some other label bought 'em.

Disc Three
This is really me in a grade school play;
I had about a hundred thousand lines but of course I forgot 'em.

I never thought there'd be days like this, there was always someone at my door.
I never thought I would ever miss, and the crowd would always holler for more.
But now it seems all that people want is what I used to be,
and every time I try to do something new,
all they want is 1973.

I never thought I'd be regretful of all my past success.
But some stupid number one hit single has go me in this mess.
You can put it on every compilation - that's all right.
You can hear it on the oldies radio station every night.
And if you want it again, you got it
it's right here in my box set.

Disc Four
Never released before, and you can tell why.
it's just some demos I recorded in my basement.

Disc Five
I was barely alive, I was coughing up a lung,
so they had to use a special computer as my replacement.

Disc Six
A dance remix, so I can catch the latest trend
and it'll make you scratch your head and wonder
where my taste went.

So now my fans are crying sellout,
they say that I've lost my touch.
They say I should just get the hell out,
before I do too much.
Hear my songs in an ad for a bathroom cleanser - 
they say it's greed,
And now I'm wondering where my friends are in this time of need.
But if you change your mind and buy it,
I hope you enjoy my new box.

I hope you enjoy my new box, 

Words by Andy Creeggan, Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music by Andy Creeggan & Jim Creeggan 

Chorus 
I love you
And you love me
I love you
So let's make a family tree

I like soup, and I like ice cream sandwiches too.
I like fish sticks, but I love you.
You don't believe me, you say all I think about's myself.
Let me explain, don't walk away.

I love me
You love you
I Love me
So what are we to do?

How would you know that I love you so?
I don't say too much
Why are you blue whenever I'm in town?
I guess life was fine till I came 'round.

You've given me a start, I ain't no doctor
but just take a look at the chart for my heart
like a dart from the start I'm coming
down with something good.
it ain't no fever or flu, doctor says it had
to be someone with brown hair and blue eyes, I'm
lovesick for you I realize.

I's loves you
And youse loves me.
I's loves you
So let's make a family tree.

How did you know that I loved you so?
I don't say too much.
Why are you blue whenever I'm in town?
I guess life was fine till I came 'round.

(Words and Music by Scott Dibble, Steven Page & Ed Robertson)

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sore.
'Cause you can see my face in the window of every store.
You can buy my lunch box.
You can wear my clothes.
You can remember my name just as plain as
the face under your nose.

I'm a new kid on the Block,
'though I may not be Johann Sebastian Bach.
So we may not write the songs we sing,
but look at Elvis, he sold his soul and
you crowned him king.

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sad.
You see, I've got everything that I
always wished I had.
I thank my manager and I thank the screaming girls,
I thank my hairdresser for giving me such beautiful curls.

Now I'm a New Kid on the Block,
well I'm twenty-three and they won't let me grow up.
I went down to register for the draft,
well I got up to the counter, and the lady there just laughed.

She said You're a New Kid on the Block,
young girls scream and old boys mock,
well you broke my youngest daughter's heart.
I knew you kids were trouble from the start.

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sure
that we're as apple pie as you always thought we were.
I can stay up all night. I can have a blast.
I can breakdance, I can fight, I can kick your sorry ass.

I'm a New Kid on the Block,
and 'though I may not be Johann Sebastian Back,
there's no need to be afraid of us
'though it just might be your daughter on our bus.

Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

Here we are again and we're looking at each
other as if each other were to blame.
You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked
and I'll probably see you naked again.
MillI VanillI told you to Blame it On The Rain,
but if you blame it on the rain tell me
what can be gained so,
if all else fails you can blame it on me.

Chorus 
if all else fails you can blame it on me.
if all else fails you can blame it on me.
if all else fails blame it on me.
if all else fails you can blame it on me.

Then you smile again but you're
looking at me as if there's something I'm
supposed to say.
Forgive me Father, but I'm falling in love
and that's all I have for confession today.
Maybe if you'd ask me on any other given day
I wouldn't have time for you or anything that you say
but it's alright now, you can blame it on me.

Chorus 

Yes dear I love you,
but sometimes I think that love's not enough for you.
So you want to play mind games,
well that's fine, go ahead, la la la I can't hear you.
Here you are and you're
a hundred thousand miles away.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fungus.
I wax poetic as you're waxing your legs
you say you think there's a traitor among us.

Words & Music by Steven Page 

The phone rings, it's early, it's seven o'clock.
He says sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk
you know last night, remember when I 
tried to choke you?
I didn't mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke
you should know that by now,
when the chequered flag comes down,
no one no one no one has won the race.

The next night he's over and over and under
and after he's finished she lies there and wonders.
just why does she need him and why does she stay here
and then in the darkness she'll quietly say Dear,
you've never really known that when the white flag
is flown, no one no one no one has won the war.

They're complicated people leading complicated lives,
and he complicates their problems by telling complicated lies
He tells her he's sorry, she tells him it's over,
he tells her he's sorry, she says over and over
You've never really known that when the white flag
is flown, no one no one no one has won the war.

There goes a forest and there goes a bluebird.
There goes a partridge and there goes a Go Train.
There goes an angel and there goes a steeple.
There goes a cop car and there goes an eagle.
There goes a raven and there go the ribbons.
There goes a raven and there go the ribbons.
There goes a raven and there go
The ribbons, the ribbons the ribbons

Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there.
[Wouldn't that be fabulous]

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
(But we would!) 

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000

Words and Music by Ed Robertson & Tim Wilson 

I climb the walls of my mind just like I'm climbing
on the jungle gym.
I am more than content with the
state of mind I am in.
'cause I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy just like you.

I don't think I need a rubber room, but that might be nice.
I'm not a manic depressive paranoid or schizophrenic
so I don't need your advice.
I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy just like you.

The lights are on but nobody's home
my elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full deck I've lost my marbles.
The lights are on but nobody's home
My elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full deck I've lost my marbles.

I'm a few bricks short of a load,
but a full load always hurt my back.
I flew over the cuckoo's nest and 
I'm never ever coming back because
I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy just like you.