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2004 |
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how to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
how to defer to men in solvable predicaments
how to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
how to have that not work and have them run away from you
how to keep people at arms length and never get to close
how to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
how to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
how to feel worthless so fast you're helping
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best
how to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
how to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite
how to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist
how to sabotage when you're in tough seas
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best
I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best
how to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
how to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
how to know them all the too well by going with them
how to stay stuck in your life hating them
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best
. . .
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Every time you raise your voice
I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover
I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk
I picture a different choice
Every time we're in a rut
This distant grandeur
My tendency to want to do away feels natural
My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
Every time I'm confused
I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked on toweling throwing
Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're still made of final bowing
My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and
The tendency is picturing another place comforting to go
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
We could just walk away and hide our hands in the sand
We could just call it quits, only to start over again
With somebody else
Every time we're stuck in struggle, I'm down for the count that down
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm swaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through
And I'm damned if I don't know quick fix way
But formerly mistreat me silence now outdated
My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
. . .
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Why no one will help me
I am too dumb I am too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
And there is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked in my own cell
I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me safe inside my shell
Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights
No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I'll never be happy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They’ve kept me small
They’ve kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell
. . .
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I'm not threatened, by every pair of legs you watch go by
I don't cringe when you stare at women, it's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your side ways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me, it's hard to get a rise
I'm not jealous
I don't get moved my much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
Doth I protest too much?
I'm not tortured by how oft your busy, Cause I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss you me, cause I don't need you to
I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I'm not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid, stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much?
So much energy to prove to you
Who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you
I'm not who you hate for me to be
I'm not saddened
And I don't miss you
Cause I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover
Cause I have a new lover too
I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep Chin Up, Stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much?
I'm not jealous
I don't get moved my much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much?
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we share a culture same vernacular
love of physical humor and time spent alone
you with your penchant for spontaneous events
for sticky and raspy, unearthed and then gone
you are a gift promised sent with a wink
with tendencies for conversations that raise bars
you are a sage who is fueled by compassion
comes to nooks and crannies, is bound for all stars
you make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak
you are a spirit that knows of no limit
that knows of no ceiling who baulks at dead-ends
you are a wordsmith who cares for his brothers
not seduced by illusions of fair-weather friends
you make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak
you are a vision who lives by the signals of
stomach and intuition as your guide
you are a sliver of god on a platter
who walks what he talks and who cops when he’s lied
you make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak
you make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak
you make the knees of my bees weak, tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak
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I rather face all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on
Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
Is my dignity in place?
I'm all too happy to switch
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on
Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And only take on what is mine to
We are a team
I'm here to help mend and rescind
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it
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Deadlines, meetings and contracts all breached
D-days and structure responsibility
Have-to's and need-to's and get-to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you’d think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to who I was meant to be
Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers
Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you’d think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet
All wont be lost if I’m governed by my own uniqueness
Stop lights won't work I'll get home sound and safe regardless
Won’t deem me had if I'm led by my own rulelessness
My fire wont quell and I’ll be harm-free and distressless
Trust me
Line towing, and helping, expectations up to living
Inside box obeying, inside line cutting
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you’d think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you’d think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to who I was meant to be
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Fourteen years
thirty minutes
fifteen seconds I've
held this grudge
Eleven songs
four full journals
thoughts of punishment
I've expended
Not in contact
not a letter
such communication
telepathic
you've been vilified
used as fodder
you deserve a piece
of every record
But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
with an antique knot in her stomach?
I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us
Like an abandoned house
dusty covered
furniture
still intact
If I visit it now
will I simply re-live it
somehow gratuitous
But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing
I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us
Maybe as I cut the cord
veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
dead weight off my shoulders will rise
Here I sit
much determined
ever ill-equipped
to draw this curtain
how this has entertained
validated
and has served me well
ever the victim
But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
this load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember
I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us.
. . .
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I won't see my dear friends as much
Male friends especially, I'll no longer be in touch
I'll change my hobbies to match yours
I'll stop reading my favorite books
I won't spend all this selfish time alone
I'll cater to you and hang on your every word
I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shells
I'll be opinion less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself
I'll re-define self-sacrifice
Live my life as apologetic compromise
I'll know you need if I rock the boat
I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shells
I'll be opinion less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself
I feel this, truly proclaimed will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily
I'll be low maintenance and agreeable
I will not talk about my dreams so much
I'll listen to you for hours, won't need anything
I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shells
I'll be opinion less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself
I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shells
I'll be opinion less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself
I feel this, truly proclaimed will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily
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I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes
You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes
You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here
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