The Beautiful South
"If We Crawl"


If we crawl at 2, we could crawl at 22
and grovel at the drop of a hat
And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
It we crawl at 2, we could crawl at 102

And the target brainless don't quite reach
covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought
on a sideways beach
Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lesers breach
And maggots not have finger
wagged at by leech

Well I made sure I wrote this song in Braille
So you could touch the words, the words that sail
From my mouth back to the jail
you could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

Curtsies, bows, thank you sirs and the wearing of a business suit
lead to complaints of backache and end with a Nazi salute
And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at 2, we could crawl at 222