Kunt and The Gang
"Dee (The Oldest Groupie)"

She came backstage at a Kunt gig
She's had 50 years on me
If I'm in my early 30's
Well, that makes her 83
She said "D'ya know what a groupie is?"
And I said "Well, of course!"
She came and sat down on my lap
She smelt just like mint sauce

She told me I had what it takes
To make it in showbiz
She said she once fucked Arthur Askey
That's just how old she is
From the Rolling Stones to Razorlight
They've all been up her clout
She poured her bloomers to one side
And a fucking moth flew out!

Dee, she's the oldest groupie
Her tits are round her waist
And she weed on my face
When I licked out her pussy

Oh, Dee, what do I see in thee?
She lives in a sheltered flat
She's got a shrivelled up twat
But I don't care about that

She said she once fucked Tommy Cooper
He did it 'just like that!'
He conjured up a hard-on
And he stuck it up her twat
She showed me pictures of her threesomes
I couldn't believe my eyes
She'd been rogered by Rogers & Hammerstein
And skied with Morecambe & Wise

She'd been spit-roasted by Chas & Dave
And felched by Blazin' Squad
She got a facial when the lead singer
From Showaddywaddy lost his wad
From Adam Ant to Zucchuro
They'd all been up her snitch
She'd pulled a train on Dave Dee
Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch!

Dee, she's the oldest groupie
Her tits are round her waist
And she weed on my face
When I licked out her pussy

Oh, Dee, what do I see in thee?
She lives in a sheltered flat
She's got a shrivelled up twat
But we can lubricate that